To Playdate or not to Playdate...

Great Play date Debate (or how to organise one and still be standing at the end of 90 minutes)

Munchy is growing up fast-fact. She’s learning new things everyday, and a day where she has no social interaction with anyone is clearly a day that makes my little flower unhappy (lucky for us our Postman is the cheeriest one on the block and takes time to have a chat with Munchy everyday). We attend playgroups, visit soft play centres and do the usual day trips and visits to friends houses (plus the dinner parties and tea parties at home-which Munchy is now great at hosting) but as she gets older her has a natural desire to form friendships so now I must bite the bullet and host...play dates.

According to the older generations, play dates were hosted back when I was a child but were more of a BOGOF-the parents would be visiting the parents and the kids got to play-simple concept. Parents didn’t put effort into kid’s snacks or drinks, and it was a case of ‘here are the toys get on with it’. Now just looking at a Family Calendar and you will see the words ‘Play date for X’ rather than ‘catch up with X for chat and take little one too’. How times are changing. The demands to be Mary Poppins as a mother are ever increasing and if God forbid you are a ‘SAHM’ (stay at home Mum) you are expected to do it all. Why? Well we don’t go out to earn so society expect us to earn our keep. Why others feel the need to judge another’s lifestyle boggles the brain but it’s done especially at the gates of Schools all over the world.

Oh yes I started rambling...back to the subject. Play dates. So now it’s all the rage. Pick up a parenting magazine and chances are they are discussing it. Look at a gossip magazine and the likelihood is if they are featuring parent celebrities they will be discussing who the kids hang out with (e.g. David Beckham’s brood supposedly hangs out with Snoop Dogs lot-yes they are older but you get the picture).

Considering Munchys age I do have a confession to make-Munchy is yet to make close friends as I have yet to find a parent and toddler we gel with. I have a friend with a daughter the same age as Munchy however they both crave the spotlight so the friendship is somewhat strained. I’ve met some lovely ladies at playgroup with boys the same age as Munchy-that’s lovely but I want Munchy to make friends with girls. No I’m not sexist. I’m simply thinking long term and if Munchys social circle is female dominated from the get go I won’t have to worry about ‘editing’ it later down the line. Plus statistically girls do better at School than boys-why would I want Munchy to hang around with boys when it maybe more beneficial for her to have girl pals? I’m not stupid folks, I understand she will meet boys given the fact we are in the West, this doesn’t upset me nor does it scare me. If I’m truly honest I do hope In Shaa Allah when the time comes Munchy finds a life partner herself who she has the world in common with. Living with someone you have zero in common with often means the couple scrap the barrel simply to find something to talk about. But whilst I am in charge of her social gatherings I would prefer her to stick with girls.

I go to Soft Play Centres secretly hoping I meet a mother who has a daughter of a similar age who Munchy gels with so we can have them over. It hasn’t happened yet but we shall not give up hope! Anyone want to be our friend?

In the meantime I do have some pearls of wisdom in regards to organising a Play date at home:

1) Invite just one parent and their child(ren) keep numbers small as this isn’t a party rather an opportunity for your child to develop their socialising skills

2) keep the date short-around 90 minutes is more than sufficient to begin with

3) Organise it at a suitable time-after a nap maybe better or at the beginning of the day

 rather than just before a nap is due

4) Don’t over stretch or stress yourself about the cleanliness of your home. Keep the date to your living room. A living room is to be lived in. I am currently typing from my living room and can see puzzle pieces on the floor, a pile of washed clothes that need to be folded and put away and two large boxes of Happyland toys that need to go into Munchys incomplete bedroom asap! When I host a play date I shall simply ensure this room is clean and tidy. Might even burn a Yankee candle-after all when we get guests these days?

Also try and keep in mind the parent and child are coming over to well play. They are not coming over to check if your dusting is up to scratch. Try and enjoy the date-you maybe able to have a short chat, which is quite standard on a first date. Most parents are worried about what their child may do to the hosting child. It’s fairly standard for parents to worry but once you’ve hosted your first date it will settle your nerves about opening your home to a toddler and their parent.

5) Only present toys your child is not possessive about-e.g. please do not put out their favourite toy the likelihood is your child will not want to share. Ask the other mum to bring a toy too.

6) Keep snacks simple-a bowl of grapes, some sliced banana and toast should be more than enough.  If you don’t want to make toast serve thin slices of cheese and raisins alongside some cut fruit. Serve what works for you. Drink wise keep to milk, or fresh juice (small amount only). Most mothers prefer diluted juice-apple and blackcurrant is a favourite at our house. It’s the ‘norm’ from what I have seen to serve these around 20-30 minutes from the end of the date. To be on the safe side ask the mum if their child has any allergies. Also, avoid serving food and drink in your toddlers favourite cups and dishes until you know how your little one feels about their ‘friend’.

7) Try to not over cater for the parent. A hot drink with a slice of store bought cake in my humble opinion is more than enough. I admit that I love catering for people so may struggle with this but what you need to remember is whatever you serve up the parent will wish to outdo when you visit (well most of the time). Avoid talking about anything too serious. Why not chat about what you do during the day or what school you hope your child gets into (avoid slating other schools in the area just in case).

8) Have a bit of structure to the play date but don’t go O.T.T. Half an hour into the date introduce something new-perhaps some playdoh and moulds.

9) A good mixture of toys are: playdoh, pots and pans, Aqua doodles, books and our favourite Happyland (I’m not sure if you can get Happyland in the States but it’s available from all good ELC or Mothercares in the UK and even the UAE). If all else fails and war breaks loose, I recommend putting on a DVD-Tinkerbell calms my child I’m sure you know what works for your cherubs.

10) Avoid paints, crayons and pencils-basically anything that can be used to ‘decorate’ your walls with whilst you serve the snacks. Put them away safely until you can watch your child efficiently.   

Whatever happens remember you are doing this for the benefit of your child. The better our children’s social skills and the better they can grasp friendships will help them endlessly settle into school. The rage is play dates but we don’t have to follow them to the T. Be flexi, invite a friend to the park for a small picnic, go to the soft play centre together, or go for a walk around a Lake and take some bread. All of these give your child the opportunity to ‘mingle’ so don’t be put off by the idea of outdoor play dates. Don't let the cold weather put you off either-how about taking a flask of soup with you?

Have fun folks and let me know how you get on. In the meantime we’re still on a mission to find a suitable play date mother/child.

This mummy is preparing for Ramadan 2012...bit early? Read on.

I have never kept the fact I am Muslim from anyone nor will I keep it from my readers-I am a Muslimah, and happy about it. And although I cannot say I am the perfect Muslim (not many could) I do attempt to at least practises as much of my religion as possible.

What I have noticed via Facebook is the countdown to Ramadan 2012 has commenced-less than 100 sleeps in fact. And whilst that number seems so near yet so far the truth is unless we prepare for it we will never really get the best out of the blessed month.

So today's post is about preparation for the blessed month-the preparation that we could all do with considering.

Before I start my list-please note not all my advice and tips are religious based some are to do with the culture of Ramadan.

FIRST things first-we all know Ramadans coming. So why do so many sisters looked shell-shocked when Ramadan is announced? Hhhmm the mind boggles. So lets get the first bit out of the way-go to your calendar and make sure the week we know Ramadan is arriving in is clearly marked-no excuses.

If you work it is even more IMPORTANT you get organised now rather than later.

Now let's get cracking shall we.

I am no scholar, however the following bits of advice are taken from experience and from asking Alimahs about the best way of preparing for Ramadan:

• get your health in order-if you have a medical condition get it checked out and sorted asap
• if you are a smoker now is the time to cut back and In Sha Allah you will be able to completely quit come Ramadan
• If you are a coffee or tea drinker cut down to make Ramadan easier for you
• If you have fallen into bad sleeping habits e.g. late nights sort it out now
• If you are well health wise commence fasting every Monday and Thursday to get into the routine of it
• Cut back on bad habits-you know the type of things we know are wrong e.g. backbiting. Cut back now and vow to give it up for Ramadan and beyond In Sha Allah.
• Start reciting the Quran on a regular basis if you do not already do so.

The above is just a brief list and not in much detail however I know that we are all capable of looking into things in more detail in our own time. So please feel free to use the above as starting points.

Moving onto other preparation:

• SPRING CLEAN your home now if you have not already done so. This is the time to sort out the wardrobes, under the beds and so on. Do a deep clean including (if you can) washing the carpets. A decluttered and clean home will help you no end during the month of Ramadan and the time you usually spend on doing big tasks e.g. washing carpets in preparation for Eid can be done beforehand freeing up time for Ibaadah.

• Go through food cabinets and place all items that will go out of date during the blessed month to one side and try to finish them beforehand or get them into your menu somehow. Wasting food is never good.

• If you have a freezer try to defrost it and prepare it for Ramadan-freezing some meals in advance will free up time for more important things trust me.

• Clean the outside of your home too-and cars.

• If there are any D.I.Y projects outstanding FINISH them now. No one likes looking at half completed jobs especially when you want to spend as much time in Ibaadah as possible.

• Get the family involved in cleaning-if you have teenagers get them cleaning and sorting through things like console games, books and clothes. If there is anything worth giving to charity actively encourage them to donate them-or ask them to put the things to one side and donate them as soon as Ramadan commences. I think this is a great family tradition that is worth installing in children and teenagers.

• If you have younger children ask them to go through their toys and pick say 2 that they no longer play with. Ask them kindly to donate to charity to make Allah happy. Most children will be happy to do so. If they are not don't be disheartened. All children are different. Continue to encourage them and In Sha Allah one day you will get somewhere with them.

• Get your husband/brothers/dads to go through their wardrobe and select the items they no longer wish to wear/can't fit into and donate them to charity.

• Same for sisters/mothers get them decluttering their wardrobes.

• Find out if there will be any community events you will wish to attend and factor those into your calendar.

• This year Ramadan is during the big summer break-ensure your children's friends parents are aware of this and cancel any sleepovers and so on planned during this time. Forward planning will save tears in the long run.

• Consider organising a charity event during the blessed month e.g. a Iftari where guests donate to a selected charity in exchange for their seat at the table. 

• Sort out your Zikaat-how much do you owe? Who will you donate to? Make a list and total now and organise when and who you will give it to.

• Does the Masjid need painting? If so now is the time to ask other Masjid goers to sort out the project so it gets down before the blessed months arrival-In Sha Allah.

• Make a list of things you wish to achieve during Ramadan. This might be donating the money you usually spend on coffees at work to charity, or reading the Quran twice or memorising surahs by heart. Make a list now. If Allah wills, you will complete the list. If you are unable to complete the full list vow to complete it asap.

• Hold a family meeting and organise who will do what during Ramadan. Delegate as much as possible to spread the workload evenly. Maybe your partner can collect the children from Masjid and you can spend that time in Ibaadah?

• DON'T leave your clothes shopping for Eid until the last 10 days-those days are for chasing Duas not shopping lists! Now is the time to plan and purchase Eid clothes.

• The same applies to what you plan to do on Eid-plan it now In Sha Allah not in the last 10 days.

• Iftar parties play a big part of the festivities of Ramadan however the cooking and preparation work eats into family and Ibaadah time. So here are my tips to make the process easier.

Even though Ramadan is not about food it plays a big part. If you have access to a freezer bulk freeze items such as:

• samosas 
• egg rolls 
• chicken tikkias 
• alu tikkias 

• or other starters your family enjoys. This will save you time and effort during the blessed month. 

• Or if you purchase samosas from a home cook get your order in asap.

• Or if you purchase ready made starters buy them asap as during Ramadan everyone seems to want to buy samosas.
• Freeze garlic and ginger (crushed, in cubes) to save time

• If you have the freezer space brown off slice onions and freeze in small packets ready to use to make curries, rice dishes etc that call for browned onions.

• Try and do your dry food shopping before Ramadan commences. We're talking flour, rice, tinned produce etc. Fresh items will need to be purchased nearer the time but being organised will cut down on shopping trips

• Consider using disposable plates etc to save time on washing up=more time for Ibaadah.

• PLAN your iftari menus now. If you plan to host say 4 Iftaris attempt to do so in the first 20 days rather than the last 10. Keep your menus as simple as possible, and let the family know what is on the menu for their family iftaris. Too much fried food is never good, so try to vary the food choices for all the family.

• Ask family and friends about their Ramadan availability-NOW. Plan according to their and your needs. There's simply no point in filling a freezer with alu samosas because your nephews love them if their parents are planning to take them on Umrah during Ramadan and won't be around to eat them.

• If you have elderly relatives that live alone fill their freezers too. They will thank you for it in their Duas.

• Buy presents for the children and family/friends now-get a list done buy the items wrap them (if you do that) and put them away.

• Plan your Eid menu and who you are going to invite (if you have guests) now.

• If you host a children's Eid party plan the menu and get the guest list sorted now too.

• Make a list of all the family and friends you will need to post festive cards to and post as soon as Ramadan begins.

• Try and make your home festive during Ramadan. By no means do I think we are in competition with Christmas in the West however we need to make Ramadan and Eid as special as possible for our children so they know it's a special time.

• Buy Ramadan Moon (a lovely Ramadan story) for the little ones to enjoy.

• Plan any Ramadan activities for the children now-e.g. making fanoos, Eid cards or Ramadan Calendars.
• Update your CD collection with recitations of Surahs to play whilst doing things such as work in the kitchen.

Plan as much as you can to take away the pressures of doing it during Ramadan. The time is so precious you lose control and then it's time to say goodbye. So if we can prepare as much as possible In Sha Allah we will all have more time to spend in Ibaadah!

That's all for now folks, I may do another list but that's all for today.