Preparing for a newborns arrival-what you can do in advance

Advance preparation for a newborn

The amount of parents I see in the Magazine isle looking at parenting publications highlights the demand in this era for essential information on the subject. Parents want to read about the latest research on illnesses, the reviews on latest gadgets and they also want to know how others deal with parenting-it’s human nature to be curious about how others do things. Although I’ll be the first to say it can become an unhealthy obsession for some who end up becoming their own worse critic and worst still they constantly compare their child to another. Reading is research but it should be approached with caution when it comes to parenting. Anyhow, lecture over for today. I want to talk to you today about advance preparation for when your little bundle does arrive into the big world.

If you google the advance preparation you will come across hundreds of links to parenting forums where Mothers before you have leapt into the unknown. Most offer the same advice thus as a parent with previous experience I am writing this long yet useful article on the matter-enjoy.

What can I do to make life easier in the first few weeks of baby’s arrival?

That’s the golden question. When you have your first baby (or second/third/fifth...) the first few weeks can become a blur between nappy changes, feeds and cleaning up baby sick (sorry but it’s true). You struggle to dress yourself and the amount of visitors who want to see the baby quickly escalates to epic proportions. But all it not lost; you can do lots in advance to calm the situation.

Firstly, look at how you wish to announce the birth of your baby. Do you want to send out formal announcement cards with a small photo to your loved ones? Or will you do it via Social Media? Decide on your method and stick to it. Now here’s the key: write on the card something like "Hanna and Ryan look forward to you meeting baby X soon. We’re currently adjusting to the change so please give us a few weeks to settle and then pop in for a cup of tea". There you’ve done it. You’ve basically invited them around but when you are going to be a bit more alert than the first two weeks. If you decide to use Social Media by suggestion is you or your partner put something like ‘Mother and baby are doing superbly. We look forward to having guests in a few weeks time. Please call before you visit us-thank you!’. It’s short and sweet and gets the message across. If you want to get out of the house and have older children you may wish to visit a soft play centre and let others know you will be going so they can meet baby. It’s about going at a pace that suits you and your family. Don’t over stretch yourself. If you are too tired to make them a drink you could ask them if they wish to make their own hot drink-explain you are not feeling too perky. Most people will say yes and offer to make you a drink too. If you want to go down this route I suggest you label your drink containers and make life easier for your friends and family.

Make a list of all the items you wish to purchase-now. If friends and family have offered to purchase an item for you pass them the list and let them choose the item they wish to purchase. If friends and family have offered you their hand me downs ask to see them beforehand and see if they are in good enough condition to be used. Do that now-you don’t want to do that at the last minute.

If you are going down the pre-loved items route start looking around at nearly new sales and on notice boards as soon as you can. Again these type of activities cannot be left to the last minute.

If you purchase pre-loved clothing or blankets launder them and put them away as soon as you can .Organise them by age/weight so it’s easier to pull them out when time comes to use them.

If you buy new clothing or blankets and so on it’s advisable to launder them before using them too. You would be amazed at how much dust circulates around the factories where the clothes are prepared.

When it comes to food we all have to eat-FACT. Here are my top tips for how to feed yourself by advance prep. I’m afraid you need a freezer:

If you like pasta make up a large batch of sauce and freeze them into portions. That way you only need to boil pasta. Keep a couple of precooked pasta pouches at home too for those nights where you cannot face even boiling water

Curries freeze well and make a good meal. All you need to prepare on the day is either boiled rice or naans-which can be picked up at your local supermarket or Naan Shop.

If you have freezer capacity consider freezing complete meals that just need to be put in the oven-e.g. lasagne, enchiladas and even biryani. Prepare the dish up until the point you need to put it in the oven. Use foil dishes which means no washing. Double wrap the item with a sheet of foil-this should stop freezer burns. Label the item and write on the foil how the item needs to be cooked e.g. ‘remove on the day from freezer, leave to defrost for x hours, cook on gas mark 5 for 30 minutes"-done.

If you enjoy items such as tandoori chicken you are in luck. You can cook the chicken in advance and freeze it cooked. Then you take it out defrost and heat. Serve with naan and salad. It should in essence take less than 30 minutes to prepare a meal if you defrost the cooked chicken in a microwave.

It’s worth looking at what you like eating and having ea look online at cheats recipes that take less time to cook and also at recipes that freeze well.

If you like using your slow cooker (crock pot) then you could prepare the vegetables and meats for dishes and freeze them. Then on the day you take them out, place them in the slow cooker with the sauce (jars work fine) and basically you are done. Check online for more recipe inspiration.

If family or friends ask if they can help out and they can cook why not ask if they can batch cook you some meals? There’s no shame in taking up help. Every parent has been there; it can get too much and often offers of help in my experience have been sincere.

If you are a part of a playgroup why not set up a ‘meal support group’? Basically you need ideally 7 or more mums for it to work. You all cook a meal a day for a new Mother thus giving her a week off cooking to adjust to baby. You continue helping others in the group too. It’s a great idea which should be practiced more in the UK.

　

Older children:

If you already have children then organisation is going to be your best friend.

You need to be on the ball-fact. So here are a few tips to get you going:

If you take your child to Nursery, School or Playgroup organise for a friend or family member your child likes being around to step in your shoes for a week whilst you adjust to the new kid on the block. If your children are older (say 8 years plus) and a parent near you walks their child to School you could ask if they would be willing to take your child with them-as long as you understand your child needs to understand the whole ‘stop look listen’ concept as people will be doing you a favour; they don’t owe you anything.

If your baby is due around September time (new School year) order their School uniforms in advance. This will save you last minute tears and tantrums and hopefully reduce your stress too.

If your bundle of joy is due around a Festivity period try and organise as much as you can beforehand. This includes outfits and presents and if possible meal arrangements. If you live in the Manchester area of England Nawaab actually do an Eid dinner (or so I am informed). You may per person, and eat as much as you like from the delicious buffet (I’ve reviewed it previously). They take care of the washing up. A great option for a family who are expecting a baby around Eid and the Mother is the main chef. Many restaurants do similar meals for Christmas so everyone has an option to dine out on their special occasion.

If you have wardrobe capacity organise two weeks of children’s outfits. Clip on tights, vests etc to the hanger along with the dress/trouser/top etc so it’s a complete outfit. That will help other family members dress your children. This is especially helps Fathers who have no concept of putting together an outfit (my husband is guilty of this).

Try and delegate after School activity pick ups and drop offs. Same goes for Birthday parties, plays, matches and Discos that are scheduled around your due date.

If you have smaller children, say toddler age you may wish to buy them a few small gifts for when baby arrives. Often toddlers can feel left out with all the attention and gift giving that happens with a newborn. If they are given small wrapped up gifts it will make them feel special too.

The Hospital bag:


Aim to have this packaged by around 30 weeks-earlier if you are having twins. If you are having a complicated pregnancy I suggest you back an overnight bag with a nightie and toiletries in in case you get kept overnight at the Hospital before baby arrives.

I shall be posting a detailed blog entry on what you need in your Hospital bag-so keep an eye out for it.

Preparing your home for the new arrival:


Now is the time to complete all those half done tasks including any decorating that needs doing.

If you allow people to smoke in your home now is the time to stub it out and let them know if they wish to smoke they need to do so outside your home.

Baby proofing your home can be done when your baby is able to get about. But just as a note it’s worth understanding that any figurines or similar items will need to be re-homed if they are at low level. Cables should be secured and other electric appliances should be kept out of reach. Items such as fish tanks should be placed on a secure surface.

Furniture should ideally be kept away from windows to reduce accidents

Blind cords must be kept completely out of reach of children-I think it’s pretty much self explanatory to why this needs to be done.

Look into safety gates. You will need two for each set of stairs in your home and ideally one to block off access to the kitchen. Safety gates are often featured in the Asda Baby event.

Household tasks:


If you can budget for it there are plenty of ironing services that charge a reasonable amount to collect your ironing and they even drop it off for you once they are finished. Prices vary from area to area-look at services in your area via Netmums website and look for recommendations on there too.

If you plan to use reusable nappies contact your council about grants that maybe available and to find out if there are services that will collect soiled nappies and drop them of nice and clean. Again it’s about budget-so look at costs and factor those into your baby and household budget.

You can even buy reusable baby wipes-have a look online and see if they are suitable for your needs.

If you think you will be relying on fast food when baby arrives look up your favourite place online and find out if there are any vouchers or offers you could have to save a bit of money. Larger chains such as Pizza Hut often send out 50% off vouchers so it maybe worth signing up to their newsletter for offers.

Budgeting for baby essentials:


Look at your budget and set aside an allocated amount to baby stuff (if you are able to do that of course) which you can use to purchase items as you go along. Stocking up on enough baby grows, fabric softener etc is a good idea if you you have the budget and space for the extra items.

Babies cost a fair bit. If you plan to use disposable nappies and wipes you may wish to buy a packet of nappies and wipes her shopping trip to build up a supply before baby arrives. The cost of a pack of store own brand nappies and wipes will cost you approximately £5.00 and will be less missed on a weekly basis whereas bulk buying will be more noticeable to your budget.

Boots, Tesco, Asda and Sainsburys ALL host baby events during which baby essential items go on offer. I’ve picked up a box of six packs of Huggies baby wipes for £3.00 at the clearance before. I’ve also picked up six tommee tippee bottles for £5.00 at the end of the event. It’s worth you signing up to these stores newsletters and mailings so you know what’s on offer and when. Tesco offer a 1/3 off their newborn and two sizes up nappies during their baby event. That’s a big saving when you add things up.

The items worth stocking up on are:


Wipes (babies get through loads of these)

Nappies in Newborn size. Don’t buy lots in a small size. Babies get through anywhere between 8-12 nappies (and sometimes more) a day. Calculate how many you may need over a month. The blessing of buying store own brand nappies is you will be to exchange unopened bags of any nappies that you don’t use for a size up. So it’s worth thinking about that

Baby grows and body suits-ideally you could do with having enough for three/four days without having to rely on putting on your washer/dryer. Ideally stick to neutral colours and whites as you can wash them together

You will notice you do a lot of washing-if you see a non-biological washing powder in a bulk size box at a great price snap it up. Same goes for the fabric softener (if you use it) for delicate skins. I bought about six boxes of Fairy detergent. Each box did 80 washes and we got the boxes for £10.00 each from Sainsbury’s. They were an absolute bargain. We are still using them to wash our little girls clothes in.

What not to stock up on:


Baby formula-simply because you cannot tell if your child will be able to drink cows milk (Lactose Intolerance)

Food items and snacks-again you don’t know what your child’s tastes will be like and whether or not they will be able to eat said products

Gadget and gizmos-the ones you think you will need but never get round to using. Things like plastic mashers made by certain celebrities to mash bananas with work the same as a standard masher that costs a fraction of the price!

Parenting books-your local library should be well equipped to help you out. If that fails contact your local Children’s Centre and ask them if they have a parents book library.

Newborn developmental toys-really a newborn isn’t interested

Clothes in newborn sizes such as dresses, suits etc-people tend to give these as gifts and you end up with clothes you were unable to use. My advice is that you ask family and friends to give you vouchers not clothes for the stores you shop in-that way you can put them to better use afterwards when baby needs clothes.

Try not to become label obsessed. Own brand items are just as good quality as larger brands. Do a bit of research online to find out which own brand items are current parent favourites. Personally I like Tescos own brand nappies and switched to these when I found out Huggies would no longer be selling their nappies in the UK/Ireland.

　

Preparing mentally and physically


Now I would be the dumbest blogger around if I told you being a newborn’s parent was a brisk walk in the park. I think I’m best off describing it as a climb up Ben Nevis. It’s hard, testing but the reward from the achievement of reaching the top is amazing.

I didn’t know much about being a parent first time round so read every parenting book available to me at the Library. As readers of my blog will know I have read in detail books on baby sleep. I read and read and read. I attempted to prepare to the best of my capability.

I tried to rest as much as possible. Although I prepared I wasn’t prepared for a emergency C-section with a blood transfusion on top. Sometimes we prepare we are still tested;don’t be disheartened if this happens to you.

As long as you understand each child is different and they don’t all develop at the same speed or do the same things as their siblings/cousins you should be a happy parent. If you find you are worried about something speak out don’t let it stew.

An important note: if you feel down past the first few weeks of your baby’s life (e.g. past the Baby blues stage) PLEASE speak to your Doctor or Health Visitor and don’t be ashamed of the way you feel. It’s not a pleasant experience and Mothers often feel sad and alone and ashamed that they are struggling and cannot feel a strong bond with their child. Post Natal Depression needs to be sorted by a professional; it doesn’t just disappear. It must be dealt with efficiently so you can life a happy life with your family. I am talking from painful experience. I cheated on the ‘test’ the Health Visitors use to determine if you are indeed at risk of PND. I knew the test as I had previously worked alongside Health Visitors and other professionals. My PND effected my whole life; it brought me down and I felt at times I wasn’t coping and yes admittedly I had dark thoughts. I didn’t see the importance of my life.

It’s quite natural for a pregnant woman or a new parent to feel down; however there’s a thin line between the feelings that can go away without medical treatment and what needs to be seen and treated by a Medical Professional. What I can tell you from experience is that babies that are born during winter (when the clocks go back) are born at a time when a lot of people are generally feeling down due to the lack of sunlight. If this happens to you please speak to a Medical professional and explain your feelings. There is seriously nothing to be embarrassed about. Please for the sake of your child seek medical advice.

It’s going to be a bumpy, tiring and testing journey but it’s worth. I look at my little girl and look back on the two years and there have been moments of joy and moments I wish to forget. But the most important thing is my toddler is a happy toddler-and that’s the goal of parenting.

When your B.F.F splits from your husband’s B.F.F*...The politics of courting couples as ‘family friends’

[B.F.F.=best friend forever; yes it’s a pipedream but maybe you will be friends until the bitter end]

A sad reality of the times is a high percentage of couples end up saying ‘I do’ and then ‘I don’t’. In Islam divorce is the most disliked Halal action simply because it’s the splitting of what should be a solid unit (hands up if you have heard the saying that couples are formed in Heaven *gosh that sounds so much better in Urdu-sigh*). So basically although it’s of course allowed (no one should be forced to live with someone they simply do not love nor respect or simply don’t wish to be in a relationship with). And when it does happen, it sadly effects the family-especially the children who although will still have two parents; they won’t be under the same roof which is what the children are in a routine of seeing.

Of course culturally divorce is seen as a Taboo for a lot of Asians-in particular the Pakistani community. ‘Aunties’ (known as Massis in Punjabi) go into autopilot and assume the worst in the woman-it usually goes something like ‘she was too western’, ‘she didn’t adjust to her in-laws’, ‘she’s so lazy’, ‘she was badchaal (her character was bad-in other words she’s be desired as a Hussy/player), ‘she made her husband buy her presents all the time’, ‘she’s a bad woman because she wanted to live alone away from her lovely in-laws’, ‘she’s ungrateful-so what if her husband has a mistress’...so you get the picture. Most of the time the woman gets blamed-regardless of the actual situ.

My mother is a ‘divorcee’. A lot of people assumed I would turn about to be an alcoholic nutter with no prospects in life. My mother seeked an Islamic divorce (known as a Khula) as my selfish father wished to keep his options open as his other wife was a kidney dialysis patient and well to put it bluntly he would need someone to care for my younger half siblings should his ill wife pass away. My grandmother (who unfortunately was also selfish in thought) didn’t wish for the divorce to go through. None of my mother’s siblings supported my mother until my late Nana said she was going to support her daughter. Well done Nana-may you be granted Heaven for actually doing what a good mother does.

Okay so back to divorce. It happens. People (even Muslims) fall out of love it can happen. You really cannot control your heart-it’s a matter of fact that we wish we could but we cannot. I’ve read about parents being critisised for admitting they have a favourite child-we all say we love our children equally but for some of us the love we have is stronger for a certain child because most of the time we can see ourselves in that child. We would still give our kidney to the other children though, so let’s just relax and not go on a witch hunt for those parents.

As couples we build homes from houses, we saw acorns that turn to trees, and we have children, a career, social lives, social circles we mingle in and friends. We are a unit, a strong one at that. What some couples do is ‘court’ other couples as friends. Now I am not talking about ‘dating’ other couples what I am referring to is when we form friendships with other couples-the brothers hang out together and the sisters meet up and have fun too. It’s not necessarily mixed sex mingling; it’s a case of when you get a call from your friend she will also ask if your husband is in as her husband wants to talk about the latest cricketing gossip.

 Eventually the relationship changes when you become parents. You may enjoy pregnancies at the same time and be fortunate to have children that become friends. You invite your friends over after the mad Eid rush has gone for dinner-this couple are like the family you have picked for yourself. It’s all great isn’t it? All rosy.

 When a close friend of mine got married I was rooting for the idea of my husband becoming B.F.F’s with my friend’s husband. I was convinced their native land of Pakistan would create a strong bond between them. My husband though isn’t into this ‘scene’ at all. It left me heartbroken. I had visions of Iftaris, Eids, Birthday Lunches, our children’s graduations, their Weddings...oh okay a bit far. But yes, I had a dream. But it didn’t work out. Good job too because this article would have been more autobiographical due to that said friends now situ of going through the big ‘D’.

So one day, you get a call from your B.F.F; she seems distant but you put that down to her husband working ‘longer hours’ and your friend having to hold down the fort with the three children, Masjid run, School run, Sports..Etc etc. You get a call from another friend asking ‘if your B.F.F. is okay because she didn’t turn up for the PTA Bake Sale’ (and she always takes part). Slowly a picture starts building of a problem looming. You ask your husband about B.F.F.’s husband-he knows nothing apart from the fact his friend is always busy and hasn’t returned his called for a fortnight.

Any self respecting friend at this stage digs deeper not in a noisy way but in a caring loving way- but carefully and may even do a surprise visit to said friends house. You turn up and are greeted with a shocking sight; a ‘For Sale’ board on your friends house. You knock on and are greeted by the remains of what was your friend-a frail, older looking friend (your children don’t go to the same School which initially cut you up but you learnt to love the idea of attending two lots of Sports Days).

Your friend tells you that she has separated from her husband, and is currently filing for divorce. You are dumbstruck-how could this happen to your friend? They were at your house only a month ago enjoying your Gobi Samosas with Chai. It was all a charade for the sake of their oldest child who was preparing for pre-entry tests to a prestigious private School-this leaves you crushed. You are then told the shocking truth that cracks had appeared in their marriage about two years ago when they had their last child. You comfort your friend and return home to your husband-and your friends husbands B.F.F.

You find out that your husband’s B.F.F. has finally returned the calls and explained that he has had to leave his family because he has been under considerable pressure from his in-laws and can no longer hack it. Your friend has told you a different version which includes the girl at work he shared a ride to work with. You start squabbling with your husband over the situation and your friends marriages bitter demise is now eating away at what you thought was your happy and stable marriage.

How on earth are you meant to handle this situation? You are like a pot of lava-you want to blow and tell your husband exactly how much of a slime ball his friend REALLY is. Don’t go in shouting the odds and encouraging your friend to do the same. What realistically will this achieve? Are you thinking about your friend’s welfare and those three children? Or are you simply reacting to the news you have heard. Be supportive and be a friend who can be relied on without the worry you will blow your top off every few minutes.

So what should I realistically do?

For starters don’t let this divorce affect your marriage. Yes she is your friend, yes he is your husband’s friend; indeed you see those children as your nephews and nieces but what will arguing with your husband achieve for the situation? So he has been told a different version of events to you. Not surprising but rarely do both people going through a divorce see eye-to-eye over the details.

What you need to do is the following (please note; this is advice only I am by no means a councillor):

1)      Sit down with your husband and talk about how you can support each friend in the best possible way. They are no longer a couple-but you two are. Act like one, support each other. Your friends divorcing will affect you yes-however it won’t have the same affect on you as it is on your friend so save your drama for a more applicable time.

2)      Talk to your respected friends and if applicable offer to be peacekeepers if they need to talk to each other and are struggling to do so in a reasonable manner. Often having a friend rather than family member as a mediator works best as you should be able to remain neutral whilst this is literally impossible for family members to do.

3)      Try to keep some normality with the children. If the children stayed over on a Friday night after dinner suggest that your friend still comes over for a meal and that the children stay as they have done previously done so.

4)      Avoid taking sides; yes you are in your friends ‘corner’ however taking sides will just fuel the fire of arguments.

5)      Support your friend in everyday things-if her ex usually took the children to their tuition and it’s only a 5 minute drive could you volunteer to help until the parents sort out the situation?

6)      Going through a separation has effects on those who are involved’ health especially the parents. Make sure your friend is eating properly and looking after her health-why not bake a few dishes (Pasta Bakes are quite simple) and take them over to your friend’s house and suggest she freezes them. Life goes on; and we all need to eat.

7)      Make it a rule with your friend not to discuss their former partner-this will help especially if one of the partners decides to remarry.

8)      And should that happen you need to talk to your husband about how you feel about having your husband’s B.F.F. and new partner over. It’s best to discuss these things before they become an issue. If you don’t see having your husband’s B.F.F. and partner over you may wish to chat to your friend about it so she’s aware of the situation. And the conversation needs to take place vice-versa (nothing would be stopping your friend from remarrying either). Surprises like this are best avoided.

9)      There is nothing stopping you and your husband from keeping your friendships intact and treating them as your solo friend rather than a power couple. It may take a bit of getting used to; however you can invite your friend around when you have the girls around for a cup of tea. Your friends can be adjusted into your existing social life with a bit of compromise.

10)   Never forget the real victims who have no say in what happens in any of this are the children. All effort should be made to create a bit of normality for them-by their parents, you as their family friend and other loved ones too. I’m not saying pretend everything is rosy, be realistic and if the children are old enough to understand then it is worth sitting down with them and explaining the situation in hand.

11)   Advise your friend as best as possible with a view of doing what is best for the children. If your friend is having a breakdown and wants revenge on her ex by ‘stopping him seeing the kids’ you need to handle the situation effectively and explain the detrimental effects this can have on the children; no one should use their children as pawn pieces. If the situation is beyond talking then there are Courts that can help with the situation. NEVER EVER encourage your friend to flee the country with their children! If their ex is a violent person they need to seek legal advice, and  should even speak to the Police to seek advice. The last thing anyone should ever do is flee the country and create more problems for themselves (and consider what effect this will have on the children).

12)   Whatever happens, please try and save passing judgement on your friend/her situation/the way it is affecting their children. Truth of the matter is, one cannot talk about how ‘they must be feeling’ because unless we have walked in their shows we don’t know what they are going through.

This entry was quite a sad one to write however when the above does happen the last thing we actually do is think rationally and do what is right-we act with our hearts often to regret later. Even though my advice may seem geared towards Muslims only it can be adapted for others too.

To Playdate or not to Playdate...

Great Play date Debate (or how to organise one and still be standing at the end of 90 minutes)

Munchy is growing up fast-fact. She’s learning new things everyday, and a day where she has no social interaction with anyone is clearly a day that makes my little flower unhappy (lucky for us our Postman is the cheeriest one on the block and takes time to have a chat with Munchy everyday). We attend playgroups, visit soft play centres and do the usual day trips and visits to friends houses (plus the dinner parties and tea parties at home-which Munchy is now great at hosting) but as she gets older her has a natural desire to form friendships so now I must bite the bullet and host...play dates.

According to the older generations, play dates were hosted back when I was a child but were more of a BOGOF-the parents would be visiting the parents and the kids got to play-simple concept. Parents didn’t put effort into kid’s snacks or drinks, and it was a case of ‘here are the toys get on with it’. Now just looking at a Family Calendar and you will see the words ‘Play date for X’ rather than ‘catch up with X for chat and take little one too’. How times are changing. The demands to be Mary Poppins as a mother are ever increasing and if God forbid you are a ‘SAHM’ (stay at home Mum) you are expected to do it all. Why? Well we don’t go out to earn so society expect us to earn our keep. Why others feel the need to judge another’s lifestyle boggles the brain but it’s done especially at the gates of Schools all over the world.

Oh yes I started rambling...back to the subject. Play dates. So now it’s all the rage. Pick up a parenting magazine and chances are they are discussing it. Look at a gossip magazine and the likelihood is if they are featuring parent celebrities they will be discussing who the kids hang out with (e.g. David Beckham’s brood supposedly hangs out with Snoop Dogs lot-yes they are older but you get the picture).

Considering Munchys age I do have a confession to make-Munchy is yet to make close friends as I have yet to find a parent and toddler we gel with. I have a friend with a daughter the same age as Munchy however they both crave the spotlight so the friendship is somewhat strained. I’ve met some lovely ladies at playgroup with boys the same age as Munchy-that’s lovely but I want Munchy to make friends with girls. No I’m not sexist. I’m simply thinking long term and if Munchys social circle is female dominated from the get go I won’t have to worry about ‘editing’ it later down the line. Plus statistically girls do better at School than boys-why would I want Munchy to hang around with boys when it maybe more beneficial for her to have girl pals? I’m not stupid folks, I understand she will meet boys given the fact we are in the West, this doesn’t upset me nor does it scare me. If I’m truly honest I do hope In Shaa Allah when the time comes Munchy finds a life partner herself who she has the world in common with. Living with someone you have zero in common with often means the couple scrap the barrel simply to find something to talk about. But whilst I am in charge of her social gatherings I would prefer her to stick with girls.

I go to Soft Play Centres secretly hoping I meet a mother who has a daughter of a similar age who Munchy gels with so we can have them over. It hasn’t happened yet but we shall not give up hope! Anyone want to be our friend?

In the meantime I do have some pearls of wisdom in regards to organising a Play date at home:

1) Invite just one parent and their child(ren) keep numbers small as this isn’t a party rather an opportunity for your child to develop their socialising skills

2) keep the date short-around 90 minutes is more than sufficient to begin with

3) Organise it at a suitable time-after a nap maybe better or at the beginning of the day

 rather than just before a nap is due

4) Don’t over stretch or stress yourself about the cleanliness of your home. Keep the date to your living room. A living room is to be lived in. I am currently typing from my living room and can see puzzle pieces on the floor, a pile of washed clothes that need to be folded and put away and two large boxes of Happyland toys that need to go into Munchys incomplete bedroom asap! When I host a play date I shall simply ensure this room is clean and tidy. Might even burn a Yankee candle-after all when we get guests these days?

Also try and keep in mind the parent and child are coming over to well play. They are not coming over to check if your dusting is up to scratch. Try and enjoy the date-you maybe able to have a short chat, which is quite standard on a first date. Most parents are worried about what their child may do to the hosting child. It’s fairly standard for parents to worry but once you’ve hosted your first date it will settle your nerves about opening your home to a toddler and their parent.

5) Only present toys your child is not possessive about-e.g. please do not put out their favourite toy the likelihood is your child will not want to share. Ask the other mum to bring a toy too.

6) Keep snacks simple-a bowl of grapes, some sliced banana and toast should be more than enough.  If you don’t want to make toast serve thin slices of cheese and raisins alongside some cut fruit. Serve what works for you. Drink wise keep to milk, or fresh juice (small amount only). Most mothers prefer diluted juice-apple and blackcurrant is a favourite at our house. It’s the ‘norm’ from what I have seen to serve these around 20-30 minutes from the end of the date. To be on the safe side ask the mum if their child has any allergies. Also, avoid serving food and drink in your toddlers favourite cups and dishes until you know how your little one feels about their ‘friend’.

7) Try to not over cater for the parent. A hot drink with a slice of store bought cake in my humble opinion is more than enough. I admit that I love catering for people so may struggle with this but what you need to remember is whatever you serve up the parent will wish to outdo when you visit (well most of the time). Avoid talking about anything too serious. Why not chat about what you do during the day or what school you hope your child gets into (avoid slating other schools in the area just in case).

8) Have a bit of structure to the play date but don’t go O.T.T. Half an hour into the date introduce something new-perhaps some playdoh and moulds.

9) A good mixture of toys are: playdoh, pots and pans, Aqua doodles, books and our favourite Happyland (I’m not sure if you can get Happyland in the States but it’s available from all good ELC or Mothercares in the UK and even the UAE). If all else fails and war breaks loose, I recommend putting on a DVD-Tinkerbell calms my child I’m sure you know what works for your cherubs.

10) Avoid paints, crayons and pencils-basically anything that can be used to ‘decorate’ your walls with whilst you serve the snacks. Put them away safely until you can watch your child efficiently.   

Whatever happens remember you are doing this for the benefit of your child. The better our children’s social skills and the better they can grasp friendships will help them endlessly settle into school. The rage is play dates but we don’t have to follow them to the T. Be flexi, invite a friend to the park for a small picnic, go to the soft play centre together, or go for a walk around a Lake and take some bread. All of these give your child the opportunity to ‘mingle’ so don’t be put off by the idea of outdoor play dates. Don't let the cold weather put you off either-how about taking a flask of soup with you?

Have fun folks and let me know how you get on. In the meantime we’re still on a mission to find a suitable play date mother/child.