Gulliver's Warrington review

The wonderful world of Gulliver’s-Warrington

Note: I am writing this review based on my own experiences. I paid for our own tickets-this review is not endorsed by anyone.

When you have children your idea of entertainment and a day out are no longer a an afternoon of shopping followed by dinner at a fancy restaurant. Oh no. Soft play will be your ultimate destination and if you are lucky a leftover Happy Meal will be your five star lunch (as voted for by kiddies). Your DVD collection will be replaced by Scooby Doo, Disney and random films that your little cherubs have developed a thing for (Minions anyone?). And a day out starts with military planning. You check the weather, stroller access, what food outlets are on site and how much it will cost to keep your bambinos entertained. You then buy tickets, plan wardrobes and pack your nappy changing bag like you are off into the Sahara dessert or Antarctic depending on what time of the year it is. You then pack a bag of snacks and drinks. Then and maybe then you can sleep easy and leave the house by a reasonable hour. Okay so now that you understand that you are not the only parent who runs around like a loony on redbull let’s get cracking (by the way Mamas-I have a list that I use when I am packing for days out-if you would like it please let me know).

My three and half year old have developed a thrill seekers streak. She wants everyone to drive faster, and wants to go down slides head first. I do wonder if my love of adrenaline rides has worn off on little one but that’s a different story. After our semi-disastrous trip to Alton Towers I decided that I should look for a venue aimed just at kids. No really these places exist outside the world of soft play zones. The venue also needed to be within at least an hours drive-after all my 1 year old doesn’t enjoy audiobooks the way the older one does (oh yes, your CD collection will consist of Disney soundtracks-altogether now "the cold never bothered me annnnnyyyyywaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy). So with that we decided to give Gullivers World in Warrington a go.

Cost wise I must admit we had a strike of good luck-the park had discounted tickets for their Ben and Holly weekend and as some parents will know a lot of little folk are madly in love with these lovable fairies and elves. So I booked tickets at £9.00 per person. I checked the weather *sunshine-wow* and did some research online to access what was worth potentially queuing for. Some of the reviews slated the park no end. Other reviews were glowing (easily pleased perhaps?). Either way I was going to experience this place for myself.

We got to the park at around 11:30 (with oldest dresses as a Princess) and there was ample parking available-on a grassy area. We noted that if we wanted to park on the official car park we needed to arrive earlier. We decided to arrive late as my children can only really last between 3-4 hours before their batteries run flat.

We noticed a queue for tickets and bypassed them with our printed out online bargains. The staff were friendly and told us what time we could expect Ben and Holly to make an appearance on the main stage.

As soon as we got into the park the oldest was happy-very happy. The type of happy were children scream with delight. The park was clean with enough bins dotted around to keep it clean. We had a brief sit down whilst little ones had an early lunch of sandwiches (we took our own packed lunch based on the reviews of the eateries at the park-I won’t risk eating horrid food I have to pay silly money for). After lunch we waited in a small queue to have our photos taken with Ben and Holly. There was no pushing or shoving-the kids were very well behaved and the parents too.

We got our photos taken and quickly moved onto the rides. The first thing I noticed was-NO QUEUES for the rides. You read that right! No queues! And...most of the rides were suitable for a three and a half to ride-across the whole park. Not only that but a lot of rides were under cover so if rain did appear it wouldn’t spoil the day. And the icing on the cake? There were rides the oldest could ride alone and rides we could take littlest on too.

Best rides & some worth avoiding:

The best bits:

• Tree top Swings
• Carousel
• Leonard’s flying raft
• Caterpillar Rollercoaster
• Runaway train coaster
• Mad hatters Tea party (cups)
• Barrel ride
• Ellie’s Animal Merry Go Round
• Pirate ship

Avoid

• Adventure Canyons (especially in damp/hot weather-insect overload)
• Tomb raiders-I’ve never seen a more bored 3 and a half year old in my life *enough said*
• Water rides-unless you have a poncho to protect clothing as wet kids tend to be grumpy. I’ve seen some cheap ponchos around so buy before you go.

Okay it’s rant time....

Hygiene of the toilets and baby changing facilities

The smell of wee drives me insane. For crying out loud how hard is it to maintain clean floors when you claim to check the toilets every hour?! I used the toilets near Ellie’s Animal Merry Go Round and there was enough water on the floor to provide a group of barbie dolls with a lake. There were two toilets that needed a good clean (why do some people NOT flush toilets?!). The smell? Bloody awful. Baby changing facilities were okay-but still needed a good clean to be up to my standards (sorry there Gulliver’s).

I also had the misfortune of using one set of toilets that had net curtains in them that looked like they needed binning. Yuck. The rest of the park was clean and tidy.

I would suggest that you do not sit near the bins or pedalos to have something to eat. The wasps will drive you insane (that’s if you have any sanity left with being the parent of a toddler/pre-schooler).

　
Food:
We only purchased a bottle of water and ice creams on site. The prices were reasonable.
As mentioned before this was due to reviews we read. Plus let’s face it-food is generally overpriced at Theme parks. We did see a parent complaining the fresh doughnuts she had purchased were rock hard. Not sure if they are meant to be inedible. A new diet trend perhaps? We took our own food and found plenty of suitable places to sit down and enjoy food. There is also sheltered picnic areas for when the weather is less than sunny.

First aid:
We didn’t require it however I always carry a small kit with me. I have three kits made up and left in changing bags and in the bag we take with us to the local park. Plasters, a few antiseptic wipes, antiseptic cream and dry antiseptic spray and we are usually good to go.

What to pack:

• A picnic (if you are looking at a frugal meal)
• A small cool bag to keep drinks cool in. I froze a couple of boxes of juice and took them out in the morning. Not only did we have cool drinks but the boxes kept the food cool too.
• Hats, glasses, sun cream
• If you are visiting in potential wet weather take wellies
• Your camera-unlike places like Alton Towers Gulliver's
• have limited on ride photography
• Wipes-ideally the antibacterial ones you use around the home. For use on chairs, baby changing and even toilets.
• Your usual baby changing supplies
• Your usual baby feeding stuff. I recommend that you take food pouches for little ones as they are easier to transport.

　
Ticket pricing
Buying in advance like many other things is more cost effective than buying on the day. There are plenty of special events at Gulliver’s Warrington-from weekends dedicated to Grandparents to Father’s Day events which often include special discounts (e.g. Daddy goes free).

Would I go again?
Well we did. We visited twice in June. We attended the Ben and Holly Weekend and then a Toddler Thursday where we paid £5.00 per person. The only ride we noticed closed was the pedalos. Would I pay full price? That’s a hard one. Yes I would only because this place made little ones happy.

Merchandise:
We went into the shop to have a little look around and walked out with a Princess Gully mouse. She cost us less than £15.00.

　
　
Final thoughts:
Yes the park would do with a bit of a makeover. A lick of paint would be lovely. The park does look tired however let’s be realistic; kids love this place. Children can ride the majority of rides-which is the appeal of this place. Not many three year olds will notice how the paint in chipped and some of the gazebo fabric needs repairing/replacing. What matters is the little one have fun-and they did.

Let's prepare for Ramadan!

　
The Ramadan planning Guide

So as we all know Ramadan is the Holiest month of the Muslim calendar. Muslims are basically expected to be on their best behavior, fast from dusk til dawn, give to charity and spend time in religious thought and reciting the Quran. These duties of course come with the Muslim territory.

As I write this article there is a predicted 112 days left until Ramadan 2013; InshAllah.

In today’s modern world we also have the following to contend with: work, charity commitments, sister circles, children’s school work, their after school schedule etc. Life is busy, it’s getting busier as our families get older. But to be honest, all of the above is a blessing. Go ask anyone who is unable to have a child and they will tell you they will give everything to have a piece of your hectic and sometimes scary life.

Okay so let’s get cracking.

HOLD A FAMILY meeting. Explain to members that during the Holy Month you need to all pull together and take on tasks that are usually done by just Mama. This can include older siblings reading stories to younger siblings at bedtime or checking up on Grandma on the way home from School. It’s about family communication-make sure your family are aware of what is expected of them.

Look at your family calendar and ensure your children do not have sleepovers booked during Ramadan-save the tears by rearranging them now.

Get all your family to check their diaries and see what everyone has scheduled during the month and organise transport/childcare as needed.

I’m a firm believer in organizing. The key to a stress free life is somewhat in the organisation of what you have to do and the time you have to do said tasks in.

Make a list of Duas you wish to make-NOWIt’s easy to forget a Dua and kick yourself afterwards. If it’s not too much work look up supplements and Duas, print them and laminate them ready for the Holy Month.

Let’s get straight to it. You need to make a list of what you wish to achieve during Ramadan.

An example of this could be:

• Recite the Quran completely twice during the Holy Month

 

• Spend an afternoon every week at a soup kitchen helping the needy

 

• Volunteering 2 hours a week at an elderly peoples home

 

• Donating as much money as you can to your chosen charity

• Organise a charity Iftari

 

• Learn three new Duas by heart

 

• Read the biography of the Prophet

 

• Spend time with family you don’t get to see regularly

Now you need to calculate how much time you need to complete your tasks and see if this is possible.

For example to read the Quran twice during the month you may need to spend two hours reading a day-can you fit that in? What tasks can you cut down on to fit in more reading? Look at your schedule now and get organising. Taking a look at your daily tasks and errands may mean you have to rewrite your tasks; but fret not! This is good that you know in advance your tasks may not be furfiled during the time you have so you can look at achievable goals which will leave you happy and content with what you have managed to achieve.

Take a look at your daily to do list/schedule/errands.
Do you really need to wash your car every week and clean the inside too? If your car gets really dirty maybe you can have it washed at the carwash to save two hours that could be spent doing something more productive during Ramadan.

What about things like food shopping. Apart from the perishables such as bread, milk, fruit etc all other items such as tinned goods can be bought in bulk. For this to work you will need to look at your meal planning and list what you need and the quantities. Do this shopping in advance. The same goes for Butchers orders. I place an order once in a while and freeze in managable portions.

Limit the activities and errands you can get away with not doing during Ramadan. Seriously you will be thankful for the planning come Ramadan.

Get your health in order-NOW

• Are you overdue a Medicine review? Are you a diabetic? Do you need to consult a Doctor about Fasting? Do this now.

• Advice for those who have no medical complaints:

• Vitamin C is a great supplement for protecting against cost viruses (google will provide you with more information)

• B vitamins are crucial for keeping up energy levels so start taking them now if you suffer from fatigue.

• If you live in Britain Holland and Barrett’s staff are generally friendly and open to giving suggestions if you give them a list of your problems.

• If you suffer from sleep issues speak to a Medical professional now.

• If you smoke or drink too much caffeine now is the time to CUT DOWN or STOP!

• If you have got into the habit of sleeping late and rising late now is the time to fix the habit.

If you ‘owe’ fasts from last year now is the time to consider repaying them now. Fasting on a Monday and Thursday is a great way of preparing your body for the upcoming 30 fasts.

Declutter and Spring clean-NOW!
  It goes without saying that a clean and decluttered home provides a good foundation for the Holy month as you only have to ‘spot cleans’ during the Ramadan.

Now is the time to:

Declutter the living room, wash the window dressings, clean the carpet/rugs, wash the skirting boards, clean the suites and clear away magazines and other clutter.

Declutter the kitchen cabinets-remove all the items that are coming up to their best before using dates and use them up asap. Make a list of items you are running short of and buy them. Clean all the surfaces, and clean all the appliances. Clean your fridge and freezer. Create space in your freezer if you plan to bulk cook and utilize this space.

Clean and keep up the repairs to the front of your homeVarnish the front door or repair the trellises now rather than allowing the ugly sight to greet Ramadan!

Clear out your Bathroom cabinet and medicine Cabinet/draw. Bathrooms are renowned hotspots for clutter building. Check all your medicines use by dates and throw out the ones that are out of date. Technically you should be in the habit of doing this on a regular basis.

Children’s rooms are in my opinion a minefield especially if your child is around the stage that they don’t wish to part with anything. Children outgrow clothes quicker than adults and toys and books can accumulate quicker than you can shout Iftars ready.

My advice for tackling this room in particular is:

• Keep a basket/bin/box in your child’s room into which you can place outgrown clothes as you discover them. Then once you have enough go through them and decide which will be given to charity/stored for other siblings/thrown out

• If you are purchasing wardrobes/closets or fitting them consider sliding doors-these need less space in regards to opening them whereas standard doors need to be given plenty of space to open them.

• Ikea offer a range of furniture that can be adapted to suit a child’s room. Their light collection is fantastic as is there photo frame collection. We use a ‘safe’ as a art supply cabinet.

• Have designated boxes/baskets/bins for your child’s hobbies/activities/toys. This can be a problem is small rooms. If your child has a small room utilize the height of the room and fit shelving that can host clear boxes with toys and clothes too.

• Get your older children into the habit of going through their own toys and donating the ones they no longer play with or cherish to charity. This is a great way of encouraging charity in a child from a young age. Ask at your local Masjid to find out if they are hosting a table top sale where you can donate such items to.

• If you have wall space the following are great in a child’s room: chalk board, cork notice board (to display artwork) and book shelves to home books and other items on.

• A soft toy hammock can home a fairly large toy collection without taking up bed space.

• Utilize under bed space efficiently-do not allow it to become an obilivion where you don’t even know what is living anymore.

• The back of a door can host many items-from notice boards to back of door organisers to home art supplies.

• If you have attic/loft space store out of season or larger sized clothes there rather than in your child’s room.

• Check pinterest for inspiration.

• Treat your child’s room as a space that is constantly changing and access the needs of your child on a regular basis to maximise the usage of it.

If your home is anything like ours you will have plenty of incomplete D.I.Y projects. List them all NOW and complete them before the Holy month. Don’t start projects that you won’t be able to complete during the Holy month and the reminants will simply clutter up your home.

ORGANISE family wardrobes

Is getting ready in the morning a chore for you and all the family? If that’s the case I suggest you organise the wardrobes of your loved ones in such a fashion you don’t spend half an hour in the morning looking for matching items.

• An idea that works for young children is to put a complete outfit on a hanger. A weeks worth of outfits is a time saver for rushed parents.

• For men if maybe worth putting shirts with ties/sweaters/tops and hanging them together. Then all they need to do is grab a pair of trousers.

• If you have a busy wardrobe you could consider cutting back on the clothes and donating suits to the needy especially during Ramadan or just before.

• Store out of season clothes away to make space in the wardrobe so you can see what you have in your wardrobe.

• If you have a large family consider using an ironing service during Ramadan to cut down on the chore.

An extra note:
Ask the men and woman of the family to got through their wardrobes and donate the clothes they no longer wish to wear. One persons cast offs are a poor persons treasure.

Sort out Zikaat-NOW

How much do you owe? Which Charity will you donate to? Calculate it now, make notes and donate when you need to.

Brothers:

Does the local Masjid need a makeover? Does the front entrance need a good wash and polish? Perhaps the interior needs a lick of paint? All these tasks should be done beforehand and if you feel repairs of paintwork are overdue discuss it with other Masjid attendees and get a group together and split the costs and get the work done. Ramadan can often bring new faces to Allah’s house; make it presentable and a true representative of your beloved community.

Do you attend Ramadan talks/speeches/Iftars? Find out about them now and work out which ones you can attend. Discuss childcare arrangements with grandparents/your partner if necessary.

　

Food:

• If you plan to bulk cook and freeze now is the time to plan things. Items I’ve successfully frozen include:
• Chicken tikkas
• Aloo tikkis
• Tandoori chicken
• Egg rolls
• Samosas
• If you are limited on freezer space I suggest you freeze those items are are time consuming to make e.g. samosas.

• Ready made items are great substitutes too.

• If you have elderly relatives don’t forget about them. Bulk cook for them and fill up their freezers.

• Consider using disposable plates etc during Ramadan if you will be stuck with doing the washing. This is very important especially if you are considering holding Iftars and wish to cut your workload.

Plan your Iftar ‘party’ diary in advanceIf you plan to have guests over. Enquire a month before Ramadan commences (or two weeks beforehand) and ‘book’ the Iftar with your guests in advance. Avoid Iftar’s in the last 10 days. Ideally the first 10 days would be the perfect time to host an Iftar.

PLAN your menus in advance. Go to trusted recipes and keep menus as simple as possible. An example of a menu is:

Starters (before Salaat)

Fruit salad with vanilla cream or chaat masala-can be prepared on advance

Baked tandoori chicken -can be prepared in advance

Potato skins with sour cream dressing-can be baked in advance or if you are pushed for time you can replace with pre-made potato wedges.

Mains:

Mutton meat curry (meat curry can be cooked in advance and reheats extremely well. It also keeps well in the fridge. Cooking it the day before allows the spices to develop further)

Plain pilau rice-you can make the onion masala in advance and keep sachets in the freezer. Or you can make the masala 48 hours beforehand as it’s an oil based recipe so will keep well in the fridge too. OR replace with store bought Naans-but this will mean you need to allocate the task to someone to purchase these at the last minute.

Raita-I go for a ‘pink’ jewelled one. The recipe is: red cabbage, red onion, pomegranate, squeeze of lemon, salt and pepper. Ideal for children too.

Dessert:

Pineapple upside down cake-made with premixed cake mix and canned pineapple rings. Served with ice-cream

Or serve ice-cream with jelly or fruits.

Drinks:

Lemonade

Ice-coffee (for adults)

Hot Tea/Coffee if requested

As you can see the above menu allows for advance prep and there’s no frying in the cooking which is a bonus. Utilising baked recipes is a great way of cutting down cooking time. Just don’t forget that you’ve placed something in the oven to cook (set alarms/reminders). You can even buy appliances for your phone these days so really there shouldn’t be a burnt meal in sight.

Plan as many menus you need plus a few extra ‘just in case’. Ramadan in my humblest opinion is not the time to show your Delia Smith skills. For this reason I say check out pre-made items in your local store and consider menus that are less time consuming. Here’s another one as an example of a Med-medley:

　

Starters:

Hummous with pitta bread chips or tortilla chips

Marinated olives

Feta cheese and watermelon salad (this is awesome-trust me!)

Garlic bread-at your own discretion

Mains:

Lasagne rolls baked in tomato sauce sprinkled with cheese (you make the meat sauce as usual, pre-cook the lasagne sheets. Place the sauce in the sheets, roll up and place in a greased oven proof dish. Cover the lasagne with a jar of pasta sauce

or remaining meat sauce. Sprinkle on cheese and bake for half and hour-done!

Bread rolls

French bread pizzas (use pre-made if you are pushed for time)

Green leafy salad

Desserts:

Store brought Baklava

Fruit juice based granita

Lemon flavoured ice-cream with store bought meringues (a love texture).

As you can see this is another menu you can prepare in advance is more suited to those who do not wish to submit their taste buds to spicy food due to complications such as heartburn which isn’t pleasant at anytime of the year.

Plan as much as you can-NOW.

The sad departure of Ramadan is followed by Eid-ul-Fitr which usually means (for many not all) new clothes, decorating the house with lights, a large Eid meal and presents. All of the above take time to put up/put together/buy. So let’s break down the list now:

Plan your families outfits-NOWLeaving it to the last 10 days is a disaster as those days should be used towards more productive activities. Plan outfits, order what you need to, look around the stores and get the best value for money too by not leaving it last minute. It’s a myth that the best clothes come into store during Ramadan.

Decorating the houseThis year we shall be thinking big but keeping it simple. We usually use fairy lights dotted around the house which add a touch of magic to the Holy month for our little girl. We shall do the same this year but we shall Inshallah be adding things such as confetti filled balloon garlands as well as tissue paper garlands, and balloons with Eid money in them for little one to ‘pop’ (which will release the confetti and glitter). I’ll also be purchasing wooden letters to spell Ramadan to put on the mantel place.

Eid MealPlan it beforehand. Order the meat beforehand. Prep as much as possible before Ramadan. This could include making the curry and rice base and freezing it. Or planning a meal that includes using a slow cooker to cook the meat in halving the time you need to spend at the stove (It do this). Or you may wish to try a completely different menu to previous years. Now is the time to plan and practice!

Perhaps you want to eat out on Eid-look into restaurants that offer Eid meals now and see if you need to pre-book. Places like Nawaab in Manchester are extremely busy on Eid so find out beforehand if you need to have a back up restaurant in mind.

　

Presents/gifts. This really is a minefield with little ones but it can be done with careful planning months in advance. Ask older children to make a list of items that would like to receive and explain the situation that they won’t get everything on the list (you may find you can purchase the whole list but in case it goes over your budget make children aware that you may not be buying everything on the list). Then once you have set your budget and know which presents need to be purchased buy them and wrap them up in advance. Label them and store them in a place you won’t forget. Or write down in a diary where you have stored the presents-I’ve placed presents in a ‘safe place’ before and forgot all about them.

Another idea that is worth looking into is homemade presents. I love the look of hot chocolate jars, homemade cookies and even things like home made quilts (if there is anyone who has the skills to do sewing work). You can find plenty of inspiration on Pinterest.

Kids/Playdates/the usual stuff with pre-Schoolers
Little ones don’t really understand the idea of Ramadan or how it means Mama has less energy. For this reason you need to carefully consider how you plan to keep toddlers and pre-schoolers busy during Ramadan. If you host Playdates in the morning maybe you can adjust the time so it’s later so you don’t have to rush and get things ready.

Children like to be outdoors and InshAllah Ramadan falls during the warmer time of year which means you can make use of the great outdoors. Repair outdoor toys now and prepare the garden as required. You may wish to invest in an outdoor toy e.g. a sandpit to keep little ones entertained whilst you recite the Quran outdoors.

You can organise activity bags’ in advance. The concept is you place all the items needed for a certain activity together in a bag and bring them out as and when needed.

Look into outdoor ‘recipes’ for older children. Pinterest is great for these (I shall try and remember to link my Pinterest profile links to this entry so you can find these with greater ease). These include giant bubbles, pavement (sidewalk) chalk and other items that make too much mess inside. These activities will keep children amused for hours (or at least they should).

How about making:
Eid cards

Ramadan decorations

Edible gifts

As crafts during Ramadan? It maybe worth making cards during the first week if you need to post them to foreign countries.

IF your children will be hosting an Eid party plan the venue, menu and guest list now. Considering when Eid will InshAllah be why now plan a ladies/children outdoor picnic to mark Eid?

Buy or loan ‘Ramadan Moon’-it’s a beautifully written Ramadan story.

Look through your Islamic literature books and CD’s and update as required. Lots of books are out of stock come Ramadan.

That’s about it for my Ramadan list for you all. The most important thing is to utilize your time and get the most of the precious month.

If there is something I have missed please let me know.

Until next time Mamas (and non-Mamas)

Take care.

PS: If you need further advice and suggestions look at my 2012 Ramadan preparation guide which is in the older blog enteries.

　

　

　
　

　

When your B.F.F splits from your husband’s B.F.F*...The politics of courting couples as ‘family friends’

[B.F.F.=best friend forever; yes it’s a pipedream but maybe you will be friends until the bitter end]

A sad reality of the times is a high percentage of couples end up saying ‘I do’ and then ‘I don’t’. In Islam divorce is the most disliked Halal action simply because it’s the splitting of what should be a solid unit (hands up if you have heard the saying that couples are formed in Heaven *gosh that sounds so much better in Urdu-sigh*). So basically although it’s of course allowed (no one should be forced to live with someone they simply do not love nor respect or simply don’t wish to be in a relationship with). And when it does happen, it sadly effects the family-especially the children who although will still have two parents; they won’t be under the same roof which is what the children are in a routine of seeing.

Of course culturally divorce is seen as a Taboo for a lot of Asians-in particular the Pakistani community. ‘Aunties’ (known as Massis in Punjabi) go into autopilot and assume the worst in the woman-it usually goes something like ‘she was too western’, ‘she didn’t adjust to her in-laws’, ‘she’s so lazy’, ‘she was badchaal (her character was bad-in other words she’s be desired as a Hussy/player), ‘she made her husband buy her presents all the time’, ‘she’s a bad woman because she wanted to live alone away from her lovely in-laws’, ‘she’s ungrateful-so what if her husband has a mistress’...so you get the picture. Most of the time the woman gets blamed-regardless of the actual situ.

My mother is a ‘divorcee’. A lot of people assumed I would turn about to be an alcoholic nutter with no prospects in life. My mother seeked an Islamic divorce (known as a Khula) as my selfish father wished to keep his options open as his other wife was a kidney dialysis patient and well to put it bluntly he would need someone to care for my younger half siblings should his ill wife pass away. My grandmother (who unfortunately was also selfish in thought) didn’t wish for the divorce to go through. None of my mother’s siblings supported my mother until my late Nana said she was going to support her daughter. Well done Nana-may you be granted Heaven for actually doing what a good mother does.

Okay so back to divorce. It happens. People (even Muslims) fall out of love it can happen. You really cannot control your heart-it’s a matter of fact that we wish we could but we cannot. I’ve read about parents being critisised for admitting they have a favourite child-we all say we love our children equally but for some of us the love we have is stronger for a certain child because most of the time we can see ourselves in that child. We would still give our kidney to the other children though, so let’s just relax and not go on a witch hunt for those parents.

As couples we build homes from houses, we saw acorns that turn to trees, and we have children, a career, social lives, social circles we mingle in and friends. We are a unit, a strong one at that. What some couples do is ‘court’ other couples as friends. Now I am not talking about ‘dating’ other couples what I am referring to is when we form friendships with other couples-the brothers hang out together and the sisters meet up and have fun too. It’s not necessarily mixed sex mingling; it’s a case of when you get a call from your friend she will also ask if your husband is in as her husband wants to talk about the latest cricketing gossip.

 Eventually the relationship changes when you become parents. You may enjoy pregnancies at the same time and be fortunate to have children that become friends. You invite your friends over after the mad Eid rush has gone for dinner-this couple are like the family you have picked for yourself. It’s all great isn’t it? All rosy.

 When a close friend of mine got married I was rooting for the idea of my husband becoming B.F.F’s with my friend’s husband. I was convinced their native land of Pakistan would create a strong bond between them. My husband though isn’t into this ‘scene’ at all. It left me heartbroken. I had visions of Iftaris, Eids, Birthday Lunches, our children’s graduations, their Weddings...oh okay a bit far. But yes, I had a dream. But it didn’t work out. Good job too because this article would have been more autobiographical due to that said friends now situ of going through the big ‘D’.

So one day, you get a call from your B.F.F; she seems distant but you put that down to her husband working ‘longer hours’ and your friend having to hold down the fort with the three children, Masjid run, School run, Sports..Etc etc. You get a call from another friend asking ‘if your B.F.F. is okay because she didn’t turn up for the PTA Bake Sale’ (and she always takes part). Slowly a picture starts building of a problem looming. You ask your husband about B.F.F.’s husband-he knows nothing apart from the fact his friend is always busy and hasn’t returned his called for a fortnight.

Any self respecting friend at this stage digs deeper not in a noisy way but in a caring loving way- but carefully and may even do a surprise visit to said friends house. You turn up and are greeted with a shocking sight; a ‘For Sale’ board on your friends house. You knock on and are greeted by the remains of what was your friend-a frail, older looking friend (your children don’t go to the same School which initially cut you up but you learnt to love the idea of attending two lots of Sports Days).

Your friend tells you that she has separated from her husband, and is currently filing for divorce. You are dumbstruck-how could this happen to your friend? They were at your house only a month ago enjoying your Gobi Samosas with Chai. It was all a charade for the sake of their oldest child who was preparing for pre-entry tests to a prestigious private School-this leaves you crushed. You are then told the shocking truth that cracks had appeared in their marriage about two years ago when they had their last child. You comfort your friend and return home to your husband-and your friends husbands B.F.F.

You find out that your husband’s B.F.F. has finally returned the calls and explained that he has had to leave his family because he has been under considerable pressure from his in-laws and can no longer hack it. Your friend has told you a different version which includes the girl at work he shared a ride to work with. You start squabbling with your husband over the situation and your friends marriages bitter demise is now eating away at what you thought was your happy and stable marriage.

How on earth are you meant to handle this situation? You are like a pot of lava-you want to blow and tell your husband exactly how much of a slime ball his friend REALLY is. Don’t go in shouting the odds and encouraging your friend to do the same. What realistically will this achieve? Are you thinking about your friend’s welfare and those three children? Or are you simply reacting to the news you have heard. Be supportive and be a friend who can be relied on without the worry you will blow your top off every few minutes.

So what should I realistically do?

For starters don’t let this divorce affect your marriage. Yes she is your friend, yes he is your husband’s friend; indeed you see those children as your nephews and nieces but what will arguing with your husband achieve for the situation? So he has been told a different version of events to you. Not surprising but rarely do both people going through a divorce see eye-to-eye over the details.

What you need to do is the following (please note; this is advice only I am by no means a councillor):

1)      Sit down with your husband and talk about how you can support each friend in the best possible way. They are no longer a couple-but you two are. Act like one, support each other. Your friends divorcing will affect you yes-however it won’t have the same affect on you as it is on your friend so save your drama for a more applicable time.

2)      Talk to your respected friends and if applicable offer to be peacekeepers if they need to talk to each other and are struggling to do so in a reasonable manner. Often having a friend rather than family member as a mediator works best as you should be able to remain neutral whilst this is literally impossible for family members to do.

3)      Try to keep some normality with the children. If the children stayed over on a Friday night after dinner suggest that your friend still comes over for a meal and that the children stay as they have done previously done so.

4)      Avoid taking sides; yes you are in your friends ‘corner’ however taking sides will just fuel the fire of arguments.

5)      Support your friend in everyday things-if her ex usually took the children to their tuition and it’s only a 5 minute drive could you volunteer to help until the parents sort out the situation?

6)      Going through a separation has effects on those who are involved’ health especially the parents. Make sure your friend is eating properly and looking after her health-why not bake a few dishes (Pasta Bakes are quite simple) and take them over to your friend’s house and suggest she freezes them. Life goes on; and we all need to eat.

7)      Make it a rule with your friend not to discuss their former partner-this will help especially if one of the partners decides to remarry.

8)      And should that happen you need to talk to your husband about how you feel about having your husband’s B.F.F. and new partner over. It’s best to discuss these things before they become an issue. If you don’t see having your husband’s B.F.F. and partner over you may wish to chat to your friend about it so she’s aware of the situation. And the conversation needs to take place vice-versa (nothing would be stopping your friend from remarrying either). Surprises like this are best avoided.

9)      There is nothing stopping you and your husband from keeping your friendships intact and treating them as your solo friend rather than a power couple. It may take a bit of getting used to; however you can invite your friend around when you have the girls around for a cup of tea. Your friends can be adjusted into your existing social life with a bit of compromise.

10)   Never forget the real victims who have no say in what happens in any of this are the children. All effort should be made to create a bit of normality for them-by their parents, you as their family friend and other loved ones too. I’m not saying pretend everything is rosy, be realistic and if the children are old enough to understand then it is worth sitting down with them and explaining the situation in hand.

11)   Advise your friend as best as possible with a view of doing what is best for the children. If your friend is having a breakdown and wants revenge on her ex by ‘stopping him seeing the kids’ you need to handle the situation effectively and explain the detrimental effects this can have on the children; no one should use their children as pawn pieces. If the situation is beyond talking then there are Courts that can help with the situation. NEVER EVER encourage your friend to flee the country with their children! If their ex is a violent person they need to seek legal advice, and  should even speak to the Police to seek advice. The last thing anyone should ever do is flee the country and create more problems for themselves (and consider what effect this will have on the children).

12)   Whatever happens, please try and save passing judgement on your friend/her situation/the way it is affecting their children. Truth of the matter is, one cannot talk about how ‘they must be feeling’ because unless we have walked in their shows we don’t know what they are going through.

This entry was quite a sad one to write however when the above does happen the last thing we actually do is think rationally and do what is right-we act with our hearts often to regret later. Even though my advice may seem geared towards Muslims only it can be adapted for others too.

This mummy is preparing for Ramadan 2012...bit early? Read on.

I have never kept the fact I am Muslim from anyone nor will I keep it from my readers-I am a Muslimah, and happy about it. And although I cannot say I am the perfect Muslim (not many could) I do attempt to at least practises as much of my religion as possible.

What I have noticed via Facebook is the countdown to Ramadan 2012 has commenced-less than 100 sleeps in fact. And whilst that number seems so near yet so far the truth is unless we prepare for it we will never really get the best out of the blessed month.

So today's post is about preparation for the blessed month-the preparation that we could all do with considering.

Before I start my list-please note not all my advice and tips are religious based some are to do with the culture of Ramadan.

FIRST things first-we all know Ramadans coming. So why do so many sisters looked shell-shocked when Ramadan is announced? Hhhmm the mind boggles. So lets get the first bit out of the way-go to your calendar and make sure the week we know Ramadan is arriving in is clearly marked-no excuses.

If you work it is even more IMPORTANT you get organised now rather than later.

Now let's get cracking shall we.

I am no scholar, however the following bits of advice are taken from experience and from asking Alimahs about the best way of preparing for Ramadan:

• get your health in order-if you have a medical condition get it checked out and sorted asap
• if you are a smoker now is the time to cut back and In Sha Allah you will be able to completely quit come Ramadan
• If you are a coffee or tea drinker cut down to make Ramadan easier for you
• If you have fallen into bad sleeping habits e.g. late nights sort it out now
• If you are well health wise commence fasting every Monday and Thursday to get into the routine of it
• Cut back on bad habits-you know the type of things we know are wrong e.g. backbiting. Cut back now and vow to give it up for Ramadan and beyond In Sha Allah.
• Start reciting the Quran on a regular basis if you do not already do so.

The above is just a brief list and not in much detail however I know that we are all capable of looking into things in more detail in our own time. So please feel free to use the above as starting points.

Moving onto other preparation:

• SPRING CLEAN your home now if you have not already done so. This is the time to sort out the wardrobes, under the beds and so on. Do a deep clean including (if you can) washing the carpets. A decluttered and clean home will help you no end during the month of Ramadan and the time you usually spend on doing big tasks e.g. washing carpets in preparation for Eid can be done beforehand freeing up time for Ibaadah.

• Go through food cabinets and place all items that will go out of date during the blessed month to one side and try to finish them beforehand or get them into your menu somehow. Wasting food is never good.

• If you have a freezer try to defrost it and prepare it for Ramadan-freezing some meals in advance will free up time for more important things trust me.

• Clean the outside of your home too-and cars.

• If there are any D.I.Y projects outstanding FINISH them now. No one likes looking at half completed jobs especially when you want to spend as much time in Ibaadah as possible.

• Get the family involved in cleaning-if you have teenagers get them cleaning and sorting through things like console games, books and clothes. If there is anything worth giving to charity actively encourage them to donate them-or ask them to put the things to one side and donate them as soon as Ramadan commences. I think this is a great family tradition that is worth installing in children and teenagers.

• If you have younger children ask them to go through their toys and pick say 2 that they no longer play with. Ask them kindly to donate to charity to make Allah happy. Most children will be happy to do so. If they are not don't be disheartened. All children are different. Continue to encourage them and In Sha Allah one day you will get somewhere with them.

• Get your husband/brothers/dads to go through their wardrobe and select the items they no longer wish to wear/can't fit into and donate them to charity.

• Same for sisters/mothers get them decluttering their wardrobes.

• Find out if there will be any community events you will wish to attend and factor those into your calendar.

• This year Ramadan is during the big summer break-ensure your children's friends parents are aware of this and cancel any sleepovers and so on planned during this time. Forward planning will save tears in the long run.

• Consider organising a charity event during the blessed month e.g. a Iftari where guests donate to a selected charity in exchange for their seat at the table. 

• Sort out your Zikaat-how much do you owe? Who will you donate to? Make a list and total now and organise when and who you will give it to.

• Does the Masjid need painting? If so now is the time to ask other Masjid goers to sort out the project so it gets down before the blessed months arrival-In Sha Allah.

• Make a list of things you wish to achieve during Ramadan. This might be donating the money you usually spend on coffees at work to charity, or reading the Quran twice or memorising surahs by heart. Make a list now. If Allah wills, you will complete the list. If you are unable to complete the full list vow to complete it asap.

• Hold a family meeting and organise who will do what during Ramadan. Delegate as much as possible to spread the workload evenly. Maybe your partner can collect the children from Masjid and you can spend that time in Ibaadah?

• DON'T leave your clothes shopping for Eid until the last 10 days-those days are for chasing Duas not shopping lists! Now is the time to plan and purchase Eid clothes.

• The same applies to what you plan to do on Eid-plan it now In Sha Allah not in the last 10 days.

• Iftar parties play a big part of the festivities of Ramadan however the cooking and preparation work eats into family and Ibaadah time. So here are my tips to make the process easier.

Even though Ramadan is not about food it plays a big part. If you have access to a freezer bulk freeze items such as:

• samosas 
• egg rolls 
• chicken tikkias 
• alu tikkias 

• or other starters your family enjoys. This will save you time and effort during the blessed month. 

• Or if you purchase samosas from a home cook get your order in asap.

• Or if you purchase ready made starters buy them asap as during Ramadan everyone seems to want to buy samosas.
• Freeze garlic and ginger (crushed, in cubes) to save time

• If you have the freezer space brown off slice onions and freeze in small packets ready to use to make curries, rice dishes etc that call for browned onions.

• Try and do your dry food shopping before Ramadan commences. We're talking flour, rice, tinned produce etc. Fresh items will need to be purchased nearer the time but being organised will cut down on shopping trips

• Consider using disposable plates etc to save time on washing up=more time for Ibaadah.

• PLAN your iftari menus now. If you plan to host say 4 Iftaris attempt to do so in the first 20 days rather than the last 10. Keep your menus as simple as possible, and let the family know what is on the menu for their family iftaris. Too much fried food is never good, so try to vary the food choices for all the family.

• Ask family and friends about their Ramadan availability-NOW. Plan according to their and your needs. There's simply no point in filling a freezer with alu samosas because your nephews love them if their parents are planning to take them on Umrah during Ramadan and won't be around to eat them.

• If you have elderly relatives that live alone fill their freezers too. They will thank you for it in their Duas.

• Buy presents for the children and family/friends now-get a list done buy the items wrap them (if you do that) and put them away.

• Plan your Eid menu and who you are going to invite (if you have guests) now.

• If you host a children's Eid party plan the menu and get the guest list sorted now too.

• Make a list of all the family and friends you will need to post festive cards to and post as soon as Ramadan begins.

• Try and make your home festive during Ramadan. By no means do I think we are in competition with Christmas in the West however we need to make Ramadan and Eid as special as possible for our children so they know it's a special time.

• Buy Ramadan Moon (a lovely Ramadan story) for the little ones to enjoy.

• Plan any Ramadan activities for the children now-e.g. making fanoos, Eid cards or Ramadan Calendars.
• Update your CD collection with recitations of Surahs to play whilst doing things such as work in the kitchen.

Plan as much as you can to take away the pressures of doing it during Ramadan. The time is so precious you lose control and then it's time to say goodbye. So if we can prepare as much as possible In Sha Allah we will all have more time to spend in Ibaadah!

That's all for now folks, I may do another list but that's all for today.