It's finally Spring!

It’s finally Spring-YAY!

Although this entry is full of the joys of Spring I wish to take a moment and and reflect on the following events of this week.

Firstly the start of this week was the annual Boston Marathon. It’s attended by hundreds of thousands of folk as well as thousands who participate. We all wish to do good in this life; and those folk who take part in Marathons is of course sponsored for a good cause. To target them in my humble opinion was a direct attack on the good-it’s as simple as that. The attack that killed three people and injured numerous more was not only an attack on America is was attack on those who like us wish to do good. I pray that the person (s) responsible for such a horrific attack is found hung and quartered. Well of course capital punishment is no longer in operation but I hope they are found and justice is given to the victims.

The earthquake on the Iran-Pakistan border. After the 2005 earthquake of Kashmir any news of an earthquake in the region makes my stomach turn. Although it was a big earthquake the destruction it caused has been far less. It’s a small blessing yes; but a blessing still.

The Funeral of Margaret Thatcher. If you are in the UK it will be hard for you to escape the death and funeral of the late Prime Minister. I won’t talk to much about what she did, what I agree with or what I think she did wrong but what I do want to say is those who are still sitting around criticizing what she did when she was in power for 3 terms need to stop blaming others for the fact they still haven’t moved on or tried to make a difference she she left office. We will all leave a legacy upon our death; so instead of just throwing stones as each other and shouting we don’t agree with such and such we need to turn the negative into a positive and get on with life and make a positive contribution-especially parents who wish for their child to do the same.

Okay so I heard that Spring is going to finally rock England. You guys will not believe how happy those words make me. No really. When you are pregnant, tired and and have developed a dislike of cold bitter short days the idea of Spring is like Heaven. So when I heard about Spring I was excited; kind of like a child in a sweetshop. The idea of Spring cleaning, fixing the garden and looking forward to Summer. Oh yes Summer. Although you expect a three month stretch of hot weather I’ve become accustomed to accepting three weeks of great weather as a good Summer.

Now I know my regular readers are wondering why I am not talking about the fact there is a months gap on my blog. Well truth be told you already know the reason. I am having a bumpy ride with pregnancy number 2. There I’ve said it. With pregnancies the idea of ‘practice makes perfect’ really doesn’t apply. I know that may have scare some of you but look at it like this-no two children are the same so why would the pregnancy be so?

Now with pregnancy number 1 I was tired yes and of course I was on insulin for my Diabetes but I felt fine. This time round I have had bad sickness, Lambrintitus, two bad infections and the scare of my Kidneys leaking protein (which can be a sign of Preclampsia). I’ve been on two courses of antibiotics, prescription painkillers for the pain and have even done a 24 hour urine collection. Oh yes it’s all fun.

But it’s a part of the package of pregnancy. After all the blood tests and so on turns out I’m actually fine. Yes I have hearing problems in one earth due to the Lambrintitus and I get dizzy and need to lie down more than I would like to think about. I get tired but then I do have a toddler too. I cannot eat fried food or spicy chili sauce as they cause heartburn. I can’t sleep through the night as I get uncomfortable. I did myself worrying about how my toddler will take to her new sibling. I also worry about the birth and the idea of being induced again (if I want a VBAC-that’s a vaginal birth after a c-section).

But you know what I’m good. I’m like the millions of mums out there who have concerns and think about them and and then something else comes along and all of a sudden your path or worry changes to something else.

What else have I been up to? Well we've just marked our seventh Wedding Anniversary and yes guys I feel old. Although saying that I got married when I was nearly 23; which to be honest now seems like a ridicilously young age to make such a bit commitment about your life. Then again some people get married at 18 and live happy and joyful marital lives for decades.

Spring for me a true time of reflection and to make plans. I know we all set our new years resolutions but truthfully how many people keep them? I use Spring to go back to my bucket list and think about what I plan to do and by when. Spring is like a new beginning and I think it should be embraced as so.

So here is my short but sweet list of things you should try during this Season. The fresh air alone during Spring is excellent for blowing out the cob-webs!

My top lists of things to do:

• Take you little one to feed the ducks

• Fly a kite

• If you have a bike go for a bike ride

• For those of us who love nail art-why not try a pastel shade of nail enamel to make the beginning of Spring?

• Go on a nature hunt-but instead of looking for things to take home take photos of Spring flowers, take bark rubbings etc

• If you have time take up a new hobby-look up books in your local Library for inspiration.

• Plant some seeds-sunflowers are great for children. If you want to consider vegetables consider tomatoes-kids love them!

• If you don’t have a garden how about growing cress indoors?

• Clean your front door and give the exterior a lick of paint-it will truly make you happy inside

• Make a list of the D.I.Y projects you have around the home and create a realistic timeframe to complete them in.

• Try a new activity with your child-how about baking, gardening, water activities, pavement chalk (the list is endless and you can try my favourite Pinterest for inspiration)

• If you are not able to go away this year start looking at days out that you can afford and start planning to make the most of the area. I recently did a search of my area and found two farms within a 30 minute drive. Not bad. Plus they are both affordable and worth taking a look at.

• Now is the time to DECLUTTER, declutter declutter. Tackle that cabinet, wardrobe or even the children’s room if that’s what you need to do! If decluttering is a scary thought consider a mini Spring clean and go from there.

• Have a cuppa in the sunshine. Yes it’s cold; but wrap up warm and enjoy the anticipation of the Summer that will soon be here and will be become a distant memory.

I’m sure that list will keep you all busy. If you want to create your own to do list for Spring just search for Spring Bucket Lists.

Don’t worry I haven’t forgotten my core value and reasons for writing this blog-parenting! I will be back soon with a review of a Pink Lining Changing bag. I’m all giddy just thinking about the name.

Be safe and enjoy Spring!

Naming a child-Trendy or Traditional?

So call me old fashioned but I dislike the trend of names that basically can be googled to reveal when a child was born. The idea of calling my child Banana, Syrup, Kryptonite, Hashtag or SMS freaks me out in a bad way. Do these parents understand the amount of jokes that will be made about their child or the potential opportunities of bullying? However most parents that name their child an unusual name expect their child to grow into the name and have a strong backbone in terms of how they deal with others-okay I get it. You are trying to create a strong personality for your child. But really? That name?

Celebrities of course want their child to be an individual and want the column inches in the print media so an ‘unusual’ name will do the trick. Why would you the average parent want to call your child after a brand? Or worst still your favourite motor? I mean Porsche?! Really?! Apple anyone?

Now trendy names get under my skin; and I make no apology for it. When my little girl was born I had an old Islamic name (similar to a Biblical name) for her. It had meaning, it had grace. It would stick out and would be easy to pronounce. Yes people may not be able to automatically guess her ethnic origin but why should that put me off?

But whilst I had an old name with zest sorted my in-laws based in Pakistan had other ideas. They suggested names that went through me like nails on a chalkboard. I wanted to scream the Hospital room down. I had just gone through a traumatic birth and my in-laws didn’t like my name because ‘a family friends granddaughter has the same name’ and ‘it’s an OLD name’. Oh my apologies Mother-in-Law; I shall consult someone and ask them to revamp a 1430 years plus religion and come up with meaningful names that are new and fit in with your artificial pride. No one really wanted to listen to me and I ended up comprising on my little ones middle name to keep all the backward thinking people happy. It still upsets me that people can make such a pure and innocent moment dark and gloomy.

I did worry about naming my daughter a name that has deep roots in religion; however my worry was short lived. As soon as I told my friends her name everyone was happy and supportive. Those who had no knowledge of Arabic names were able to pronounce her name easily which was what we wanted considering our child is growing up in the West and we cannot expect teachers to learn all accents and develop a knowledge on worldly names.

I did have an interesting conversation with my Mothers cousin. He thought we had named our child after a food company. When we explained the difference he soon changed his tune.

My in-laws were never happy, and still are not. They actually call our little girl by her middle name. I guess that’s them giving me the finger. Oh well.

So what is wrong with old Biblical names or the Quranic version? I mean what’s wrong with the name Eesa (arabic of Jesus). The man stood up to bullies like no ones business. And Musa (arabic of Moses) I mean some on; he parted the red sea with his hands! Okay so it’s mainly boys names and the only biblical girls names that spring to mind are Eve and Mary. But their are plenty of girls names that are steeped in tradition and sound good too.

What about Eva, Maria, Olivia, Penelope, Eve, Belle and Tabitha? All these names are pretty and yes old fashioned but at least they are not names randomly picked from a dictionary. They all have meaning and are either traditional or religious. But that doesn’t make them bad. And there is certainly no need to be ashamed about giving your child such a name.

Luckily during 2012 in the UK we saw a trend in naming that involved giving children names that were indeed old fashioned but pretty/handsome all the same. These included Isabella, Grace and Alice. For boys names such as Harry, Jack and Oliver. These names make me want to swoon over little bundles of joy. Such nice names.

However amongst a large group of Pakistanis the names that are currently trending include Anjalie, Manoor, Zain and Arooj. Both modern, and to some extent are universal and yes indeedy fashionable. Naming children after characters of the latest drama on Geo/Star Plus is also a favourable way of picking a name. It degrading in my opinion for a child to be named after a soap opera character. Now naming your child after a literary hero in my opinion is acceptable if they have a name that is ‘easy to digest’. Harry for example (as in Harry Potter) is fully acceptable. Christian Grey? No thank you; we seriously don’t need our babies reminded of them being a part of a certain ‘baby boom’.

I have been lectured many times on how women in the West blur the lines of religion and don’t understand our religious duties thus we look for a career and want it all. What we do understand is one of the first responsibilities of a Muslim parent is to give their child a pious name that has meaning. A name is something that will follow a child throughout life. They will of course be known by it. Why would you not wish to give your child their first right in favour of a name you’ve heard on TV? This is life; not a screenplay and we are not Shakespeare; any name we give will stick with a child throughout life unless they become a big celebrity and change their name to Tomato Ketchup-well you never know do you?

I just hope my little girl realises how hard it is to name a child with a name that fits their personality before they are actually a fully grown person. Lucky for us our child is growing into her name and we are so grateful for that; her name is not only beautiful but it’s connected to the Revelation of Islam. It’s a big hearty name which we hope our little girl enjoys being called and doesn’t regret the fact we turned down a list of names that would have screamed ‘baby of 2010’. So as we prepare for baby number two; the quest is on for a name that will be fit for them. Any suggestions welcome but if you suggest a name that is trendy, I will not be held responsible for my actions.

Baby Dam product review

Baby Dam product review

Please note: I bought this product myself; this is by no means a joint venue review with the company in question.

Look in any Parenting Magazine and they will give you a list of ‘must have items’ for your baby or toddler. Items range from the simple items to the damn right ridiculous and waste of money as your child will never use that said item.

In my experience buying products based on others suggestions is often a hit or miss; there is no sure fire formula that will help you in your quest to find the the best value for money products; especially when you are preparing for bambino numbero uno.

What I can tell you is before your baby is born there are some things that you can buy with confidence because you know you will buy them and others will simply collect dust in your attic.

My review today is for a product called the Baby Bath Dam. It’s an inventive plastic ‘dam’ that fits any straight sided bathtub. It basically creates a mini bathtub within your larger tub thus perfect size for babies and toddlers.

The Bath Dam idea was conceived by a parent who got fed up of seeing puddles on water on their carpet from bathing their child in a portable bath tub (the ones babies grow out of quickly) and when they moved onto using the family bath tub they noticed their bills rise as they were on a water meter. Plus it took a while for the tub to fill up (and it’s face it not many of us have the extra patience with a little one to deal with the smaller things in life).

It eliminates the need to purchase a baby bath that babies quickly outgrow and are often hard to store as the Dam can be used from a newborn. The product is quick and easy to fit. You simply place it in your bathtub curving it to create the Dam. You then smooth the rubber seal to ensure it’s water tight. You pull the little yellow levers in the two ‘feet’ which are suckers so that product attaches to the bath. And voila; you are ready to fill your Bath Dam.

The Dam is easy to fit; however it’s advisable to ensure there’s no soap residue on the bathtub as this creates a slippery surface which isn’t suitable for the Dam as it simply slips out of place letting the water out. There’s also a small ‘plug’ in the Dam to let out water if you accidentally overfill your bath. The product is blue in colour-no other colours are available however would you really want a pink one? We certainly didn’t feel that was something that would add any type of value to the product.

Once you fit the Dam you fill up like you fill up any other bath. If you fit it properly it will stay in place. It’s just as easy to dismantle after a bath. You loosen it and remove it from the tub. It’s easy to store too; we leave it standing against the bath wall so the water drips off completely. The Dam of course like any other product that comes into contact with water can become ‘slimy’ which is sorted with a good clean with any good cleaner.

We have been using our Dam since my little girl was a few months old; and I would consider it an essential baby item for the following reasons:

It’s environmentally friendly; It saves water (and will save parents money-especially those on a water metre)

You don’t have to buy a baby bath

As it creates a smaller ‘tub’ it’s quicker to fill up (I don’t know many Mamas who like waiting for their bath to fill up with a screaming toddler who wants to play with bubbles)

It’s easy to install and dismantle

It doesn’t take up lots of space in terms of storage

You can use it for approximately 30 months (if you buy it whilst your baby is a newborn)-it’s hardwearing and will easily be used by other siblings.

Cons:

I don’t think this product would be suitable for bathing more than one child because there wouldn’t be enough room in the Dam you create so you would stick to using the full tub filled. However, I don’t think this should put you off as you wouldn’t bathe a newborn or a child (in my opinion) who needs support in the bath with an older sibling who splashes around.

The pricing of this product for me makes it an affordable and reasonably priced item for parents budgeting for all the essential items. It’s priced at £26.99 plus £5.50 postage cost for UK customers. Dispatch was quick-we got our Dam within 5 days of placing the order.

Customer Service experience:

I emailed them when I placed my order because my email was playing up so they confirmed quickly my order had been received and would be dispatched as soon as possible. Quick, friendly and efficient.

Would I buy the product again/recommending to friends:

I would buy the item again if I needed to however it doesn’t look like I will need to purchase another one as this one is still doing strong-hurrah! And yes indeed, I would recommend to friends. I think this item would make a fantastic Baby Shower gift-I doubt highly anyone else will be buying it for the expectant Mother.

SAFETY NOTICE: You still need to supervise your child whilst they are in the Bath tub-regardless of what you use to bathe them. Never think a product is a good substitute to parental responsibilty and guidance. Never leave a child alone in water-ever; period!

Where can you buy the item from?

Directly from the company via their website: www.babydam.com

　

I dress to impress others-NOT myself

‘I dress to impress others’

I was recently having a chat with my Mother and we got discussing the idea of ‘dolling up’ to impress others . My Mother is more ‘in tune’ with the happenings of the Pakistani community whereas I am not (and I’m not ashamed of this it doesn’t make me or break me). Apparently it’s quite the norm to look like a slob around the house, and look like a tramp when you are shopping in Asda (Wallmart for the US readers). It’s acceptable for these sisters to only take pride in themselves when it is to impress others.

To me that’s ridiculous. I mean dressing and applying cosmetics to make others appreciate your look is well kinda desperate, no? So I’ve just offended models and actresses. Boo hoo. No really the idea of dressing up and spending hours on your hair and make up for others to tell you that you look stunning is called attention seeking. If you doll up so others tell you how good you gain the attention of your partner. Surely we should have their attention regardless-no?

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that we all go through rough times and days where we wish we could just stay under a duvet. Who better can explain that then a pregnant woman-we got through ‘fat days’ where nothing looks good. We get that we are gaining weight to house another human for a short tenancy but we still have dark thoughts along the lines of we look crap. So most pregnant women will have a partner around to pick them up and put them back together when they are having an episode-no big deal. But on an average non pregnant day when the chips are down lipstick is our armour and foundation our camouflage covering up the years of neglect our faces are often exposed to during our young adult life.

Now if someone had said to me ten years ago that I would be writing a piece of how woman should embrace their feminine side and actually be confident in using cosmetics I would have died of embarrassment. I was one of these bra-burners your desi parents warned you to keep away from. But with time I have understood a golden rule-balance. In other words no one is saying go around plastered in make up; find a balance you are happy and confident with. Same applies to all aspects of your life.

So why am I out hunting blood of those women who get glammed up to impress others? Well as mentioned before; where is your own self esteem and pride? And secondly if you are a parent what are you genuinely teaching your children? They should spend life trying to impress others? Why? It’s a vicious and dangerous circle. Women feel the need to impress other women, and then a lady comes along who does take pride in herself. She has big hips, ain’t no skinny minny but she gets the attention of your partner. Why? Erm perhaps when you were last out shopping with him he didn’t want he world to know you were in a relationship because well you looked like someone who had slept in the local park for the last month or so. Any women that takes pride in herself will tell you it adds to their confidence; the way they walk, the way they talk. The way they present themselves to their partners. It’s a big loop which is great as long as you feel good.

Now before you jump down my throat and say I’m being backwards and belong in the 1950’s American postcard, hear me out. I’m not saying drop everything and plaster your face in cosmetics-hell no. I’m saying embrace cosmetics to whichever level you feel comfortable with. If you just want a natural look then go with that. Take pride in YOURSELF. Take a look in the mirror, there’s a glamour puss in that body neglected who wants to come out. Why should you be expected to reserve make up for when others are going to be looking at you? Put your face on, shimmy into your favourite outfit, make yourself a mocktail and dance around your living room. This is your life, and you should be the main star. Yes, we’re parents, sisters, wives and so on but has it ever occurred to you that the only person that can really make you feel like you are on a continuous high is YOU. Relationship dimensions change. We fall in and out of love. Emotions side on a roller coaster that is life; we change like the seasons. But the only one that is always there is you. By spending time on yourself you are not being selfish; I often felt this because society made me think like that. All those Martyr style stereo typical Asian heroines in South Asian dramas constantly put their own needs second to the whole extended family. They don’t do ‘me time’. But have you ever noticed how they are always prepped and polished?

The fault in society that accepts such a double standard can be found largely in the Asian community-in particular the Pakistani one. Some Mother-in-Laws don’t care how their daughter-in-laws look whilst they are running around their household feeding their children, packing their husbands briefcase and giving their Father-in-Law daily medication but if they hear a friend of the family is coming around their said daughter-in-law is told to go and dress up and make herself look extra presentable. On an ordinary day that woman would be lucky if she has time to exfoliate her 30 something skin; but because an outsider is visiting she must look like a new bride and dress to impress her; the visitor. Not herself, not even her partner (and let’s be honest we all like the idea of a bit of attention from our partners it doesn’t exactly hurt a healthy relationship does it?) but for some random women.

Society and tradition both creep me out. I have never supported the joint family set up; it’s a breeding ground for war. And as for society; the only thing they are good for is kicking you whilst you are down-period.

The feminist in me wants to scream and shout and say ‘throw away all your make up you are pretty as you are’. The anti-feminist glamour kitten in me wants you to embrace that eye liner and lipstick; give that bathroom mirror your best pout and say ‘I’m a woman, I’m a lioness now hear me roar!’. Go on spend time on yourself, give yourself a makeover, wear your favourite lipstick but do it for YOU. Not for others, not for their attention and not for them to tell you that you are beautiful. Embrace the things that make you cringe; they give you character. If you are reading this and thinking you don’t have time for yourself and you have genuinely looked at your schedule and cannot fit in 15 minutes of time to doll up then that’s fine; your day will come when your babies go off to School then the world is your oyster; for 15 minutes! But please don’t be a vain attention seeking Mother; be proud and confident if not for you then to your cubs that need a positive role model in their lives not in a magazine.

A Muslim Mamas Bucket List for 2013

 Muslim Mamas promise/Bucket list for 2013

I will be the first to admit that I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions and I haven’t kept any since I was a teenager. This year though, I have decided that I will have a Bucket List that I will happily add to as and when needed. In fact I will have FIVE bucket lists. 1 will be a general one for the whole year whilst the others will be seasonal. I really want to be more in touch with the seasons. So yes some of the actions listed on my general list will be ‘decanted’ onto my seasonal list too. Complicated? Not really. Okay so we get long hard winters in the UK, but there is beauty to be found in that too.

I also want to have a Bucket List to ensure Munchy gets the best out of life. I may compromise on my own aspects of life, however I never want Munchy to do that. I want her to take every opportunity and life a happy full life. So from a young age I want her to get into the habit of setting reachable targets in the form of happy Bucket Lists. Nothing wrong with that surely? It’s not a competitive thing and I would hate for anyone to feel they must have a list too because X has one. There is nothing wrong with having the intention to do something, as long as we understand sometimes things don’t go to our plan-that’s just the way the world is.

So far my list looks like this (this is my general 2013 list):

1)      Go on at least 2 family picnics

2)      Visit the Monkey Forest

3)      Visit at least 1 Farm

4)      Try at least 10 new craft ideas

5)      Pass my driving test

6)      Start a food blog

7)      Decorate the house for Ramadan and Eid-purchasing and making all decorations beforehand

8)      Learn to Crochet or Knit (or both!)

9)      Create a Family tradition

10)   Read at least one dua with great rewards everyday

11)   Show Munchy how to fly a Kite

12)   Buy Munchy a bike (she asks for one everyday) and take her for rides on a daily basis

13)   Sow Sunflowers and cherry tomatoes together

14)   Make a bird feeder

15)   Take Munchy to a Fireworks display

16)   Start working my way through all my cookery books (there’s over 100)

17)   Bake a cake a week

18)   Start meal planning for a healthier family and reduce food waste

19)   Go to a Zoo

20)   Go to a local Food Festival

21)   Make giant bubbles and chase them around

22)   Visit the Seaside

23)   Take Munchy bowling

24)   Play with sidewalk chalk

25)   Take out the paddling pool when the weather is nice

26)   Go strawberry picking

27)   Become more organised

28)   Feed the ducks

29)   Make a three new friends throughout the 12 months

30)   Bake with Munchy

 As you can see so far I have 30 missions on my list. I have a feeling the list will grow. I cannot help but wonder if our parents could bring us all up again what would they do differently? I have a sneaky feeling they would play with us more and worry about earning more less. I know I want the best for Munchy, but sometimes I cannot help but wonder if really the greatest things in life are free how much does it cost to make bubbles and go feed the ducks in the park? I know I remember my trips to the park fondly. Unfortunately my family didn’t believe in spending quality time so going the park was a one off experience (yes I know it’s a free activity try explaining that to my family).

Will anyone else be writing their own Bucket List for 2013? Anyone care to share there’s? If you want to write your own list and need inspiration, you will find lots of Bucket Lists via google, some of which can be printed off free-of-charge and framed. The purpose of this is once you've done one of the tasks you tick it off with a dry board marker and have an ongoing list that is up-to-date.

Let me know how you all get on. Looking forward to reading everyone's Bucket Lists.

Until our next meeting folks,

MM